If You Say My Name's Disaster

-- I just really wanted to write something with this title.  Let's see what happens, shall we? --

"If You Say My Name's Disaster"

If you say my name's disaster

I will master being the nightmare

That you only hope I can be

When you're shaming me

Blaming me for the evaporation

Of your reconciliation

With your last relationship-oriented

Trainwreck of a partner

If you say I am the one who damned you

Into an existence of consistent disappointment

While you appoint me the secretary

Of shoulders soaking up tears

Fears put aside while you ride me

At 3am hoping to be home to him

In time for morning light to make you feel like

Maybe your mistake won't take

As you bike home

Still blown apart

By the brave light of day

If you say I am the devil

Then level with me and stop sending me

Poetry claiming to be wrapped in lust for me

Adjusting yourself to me and my cruelties

And then expecting them to subside

Deriding my personality

But needing your inferiority

To act up so my savior complex

Can react and tack you back to your cardboard wall

Safe, where I put you

Putting you in positions

All kinds of positions

Dealing with the imposition

Of having unfinished business

Keeping me from being better

Because we don't work when I'm better

When I get it together

I'm not as attractive to you, now am I?

I'm the damned guy who won't comply

And be the villain to your starry-eyed good guy

If you're not that what am I?

How will I ever identify myself again?

If you say my name is friend

The light shows end and electricity

Will cease to be a element

Cementing itself as the reason

You make 3am phone calls

Still wanting that ride

Cried to sleep

While he holds you

And wonders why him being a nice guy

Isn't enough to make you stop crying

While I do what's right

Staying up half the night staring into a mug

With your name on it

Wondering why this is friendship

When we're both so hurt by it

Deciding it's still for the best

Better than any other relationship

We've ever had

With each other or others

They've all been disasters

If you say my name's confusion

I will continue to confuse you

Using you to delude myself

Into thinking I'm sexy

Texting you late at night

To get you on your bike

And over here and onto me

Gleefully lovemaking while the city

We both want to leave

Breathes in and out

A slumber-filled peace

That we'll never enjoy

Because we're boys being boys

At all hours of the night

Tightening our hold on each other

Smothering our screams into pillows

Still convinced

Nobody can hear the sound

If you say my name is your name

Then the game we're playing

Becomes tangled up

Wrangling each other into talks

Long walks and feeling-filled phone tag

Bagging each other on bullshit tactics

Pointless semantics keep us on our toes

Growing into prose even Proust would oppose

As being too morose

If you say my name's disaster

You'll admit you can't master me

Nor I you, my sweet fleeting fling

Bringing me nothing but lonely sugar

And a glimpse of eternity

If you say my name

See if you can say it

Without making yourself cry

Then say it again

But after

Good-bye