Sammy's Back at Billy's Bar

Back at Billy's bar
Sammy's buying drinks tonight
Because Sammy just found out he's rich

He found out his wife is banging another guy
And he found out he ain't a man
But when you're rich
You don't need to be a man
You just need to know who to buy and sell

Sammy was in here last night
Getting told off
By the man his wife has been screwing
On the side

Guy tried to teach Sammy how to play cards
And when he was done
He tossed Sammy out on his ass
And told him not to come back

Sammy wound up on some park bench
Outside the gallery downtown
Talking to some old guy
Like he was consulting Yoda

He ended up spending the night on the bench
Until the police kicked him in the ass the next day
Told him to get a move on

When he got home
He found his wife
About to go through his mail

And for the first time in his life
He stood up for himself

Told her he was going to open his own mail
As long as he was still a person
And not just some name with an address underneath it

So she tossed the box at him
And told him to go screw

Then Sammy opened that box
From some guy named Gabriel
Who must be some dead relative of his or something

And there was all that money

Bills and bills and bills and bills
And not the kind you pay
The kind that pay you

And Sammy walked into the bedroom
Where his Queen of Bernard Street
Was sitting on the bed
Ready to paint her nails

And he said--'Hey baby, I'm gonna go screw'

And he held up about two grand of the money
And said--

'I'm gonna go screw that boyfriend of yours into the fucking ground.'

And that's when Sammy came back to Billy's bar
But this time he didn't come back alone

He hired seventeen of the neighborhood kids
To walk in with him
But none of them were of age
So the owner wouldn't let them in

They stayed outside
And cheered
While Sammy made the bastard
Eat all the cards
He taught him to play with yesterday

Imagine trying to shit out a three of diamonds?

That's gotta leave you hurting

Once he was done eating the cards
Sammy threw the bum out the door
And let the angry underage mob have him

Then he bought everybody a round
And filled up the jukebox
So it was playing all night

I never saw Sammy so happy, man

And you wanna know something?

I don't think it was the money either

I think it was the idea
That somebody gave enough of a shit about Sammy
To send him a box full of money

When a man's been unlucky his whole life
A little bit of luck
Can make him feel like
Maybe he oughta step out into the world

Like maybe he can actually push life a little
And not have life push back

All of a sudden, there he was
Little Sammy
The kid that used to get the shit kicked out of him
Every day outside the gym
By everybody in that bar

And there he was slapping people on the back
Saying 'No hard feeling, fellas'

'No hard feelings'

It's true

Money don't change you

But Sammy didn't need changing anyway

He was always a good guy

He just needed a little cash in his pocket