When We're Laughing

When we're laughing
It's like you never never

Even though we're laughing
In airport bars
Awaiting our flight times
To be announced

We share August memories
And a few drinks
And the titles of books
You told us we should read
That we never read
And never will read

One of us mentions your inability to win at board games
One of us talks about getting lost in New York and winding up in a parade
One of us says 'I loved him'

And we realize
We all did

When we're laughing
We're completing the task
Set out at hand

To reunite
In honor of you

Now you're headed back with us
To our separate destinations
So that we can give you separate burials
And you can finally be a man of the world

But before we do that
We eat pot stickers
And cheese fries
And food that will make us want to throw up
As soon as our respective planes hit turbulence

We gaze out the airport windows
Past the tarmac
Into the city
Where you lived
Before you ceased to live

Where you were young
And where you ate pot stickers
Similar to the ones we're eating

And where you fell in love
With a very nice girl
We had the pleasure of meeting
At your funeral

She thought we were nuts
For laughing during the eulogy
But the priest had a thick Portuguese accent
And we know you would have laughed too
Had you been able to hear it

We were never crying people
We were always laughing
And to honor you
We laughed

When we're laughing
We're looking out onto that city
Wondering if there other parades you got lost in
And other board game nights at the houses of other, newer friends
And other people you loved more than us

We'd like to think we were your forever friends
But the truth is
Until the disease readied itself
For its last great strike
We had been bad about calling or messaging
Or even acknowledging anything was wrong

We told ourselves we'd call when you were better
Because you were going to get better
How could you not?

You certainly weren't going to die

You weren't old enough to die
You were born in July
And one of us was born in June
One of us was older than you
Two of us, even
Three

So how could you die?
How could you be dead?
This didn't make any sense

And one of your new friends
Perhaps a member of the new board game brigade
Approached us at the funeral
And told us you had married that nice girl
Right before you...

You got married
You died
You made love
In a city
We can't even find our way around

That's why we were late to the funeral
That's why we couldn't find the church
That's why we can't spend another minute here

Here is where you died
Here is not where our friend lived
Here is a foreign place
Where adults are
And we are not adults here

Back where we're from, we are
But here we're kids
Looking for our friend

Where is he?

Can anybody tell us where he is?

. . . . .

You wanted us to decide
Where you'd finally wind up

Your girlfriend wife whoever she is
Handed you over to us

In separate containers

One of us will take you to the ocean
One of us will take you to the lake
One of us will scatter you across a field
And one of us will bury you in your old backyard
Which is now just a patch of lawn
Next to a parking lot at the new mall

And while we do this
We'll tell you the jokes you taught us
To show you that we remember

We still remember

But for now we're laughing
At an airport
Waiting for separate flights

And we don't remember things about each other
And we know even less about how things are now
And we may never see each other altogether like this again
And we feel like we failed you

Didn't we?

But for now, we're laughing
And while we laugh
It's not like you never left

It's like you're here
Telling us
Those same old jokes

And we know them all

We still know every word