All the Closed Doors

You’re going to be upset hearing this

And that’s fine

I don’t expect you

To not be upset

But—

Back then

In the kind of situation

We’re talking about

The options were not

What they are now

If you liked a guy

And he liked you

But he fucked up
And got some girl pregnant

He didn’t have options

The two of you

You didn’t have

Options

He married the girl

That’s what he did

And if you liked him

And he liked you

You gave each other a hug

And you moved on

With your damn lives

And that was disappointing

But so what?

Life was disappointing

My father died

Choking on a jelly bean

I shit you not

So yeah

I’m not unfamiliar with disappointment

But it doesn’t take the sting off it

When you like a boy

And some girl he shacked up with once

Gets pregnant

And now he’s saying

He’s gotta marry her

Oh sure, we could have had an affair

But I wasn’t that kind of person

Nowadays, you all have affairs

Like you’re getting lunch or something

But back then

You had to be a certain type of person

To screw a married guy

And I just wasn’t that kind of woman

So I tried to poison her

The girl

The woman

The one he had the thing with

I tried to poison her so she should—

Not die, you know

Just, uh, well—

So she’d lose the baby

Now you may not like how that sounds

But I want you to consider a few things—

We didn’t ask ourselves back then

What kind of life

A kid was going to have

With two parents

Who were only together

Because they had to be

You think about that kind of thing now

But we didn’t have the luxury

Of thinking there was more to life

Than just being around to see it

And adoption and abortion

And all that stuff?

It was there

Sure it was there

But if you did it

Everybody was going to know about it

And you were going to be the talk

Of the neighborhood

And there was no kind of life

After that

So you had the baby, or—

Maybe you lost it

And nobody wanted you to lose it

But if you got pregnant in a situation like that

And you lost the baby

Behind all the closed doors

People would whisper—

Thank god

Thank god

Thank god

Thank god

That’s what they’d say

So I thought—

Well, god works through us sometimes, doesn’t he?

And I tried to take matters

Into my own hands

Thought I was doing everybody a favor

Knew enough about chemistry

--Or so I thought

I was going to be a doctor

Did you know that?

I bet you didn’t

But apparently

I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was

Because, uh—

They couldn’t save her

But they did manage to save you

And so there I was

Me and your father

And we’re thinking—

Well, all right

This is a tragedy

This is not what anybody

Wanted to have happen, but—

But we’ll make it right

We’ll raise this baby

And we’ll make sure she has a good life

And you did

You did have a good life

And part of that

Was because you had two parents

Who loved each other like crazy

So…

So don’t discount that, you know

I get that you’re upset

I’d be upset too

But that’s only because

You never really had to know

What disappointment was

That’s only because

You don’t know what it’s like

Not to have options

That’s because you had it good, kid

Trust me

You had it good