The Projectionist

He’s a projectionist

He only dates people

That he can, like

Look at, and--

People--

People with no personalities

But, like, beyond that

Not just, no personality

Like, boring

No personality

But

No personality, like

Absent

Just very absent

Where they’re--

They’re--

They’re a canvas

They’re a blank canvas

With nothing on it

And so he meets them

And he dates them

And he just, uh, falls in love

With them

Because he can project

He can project onto them

Anything he wants to project

So, you know, he meets me

And, uh, I’m, like, the opposite

Of what he’s looking for

I’m the exact, uh, antithesis

Of what it is

He would typically

Fall in love with

And because, uh

Because that’s the case

Of course--

I fall in love with him

I fall in love with this guy

Who falls in love

With people who aren’t there

With the possibility

Of people

But not actual people

And I look at him
And I’m, like, all in

Right away

I’m just sold on him

And I don’t know why

And when you fall in love with someone

And you don’t know why

It’s--ugh, I mean

It’s a real fucking trip

And not, uh--

Yeah

And I tried--ugh

I’m ashamed--

I’m ashamed

To even talk about this

But--

I tried to, uh…

To erase myself

I tried to make myself

As blank as the people

He was typically, uh, into

And it’s--it’s painful

It’s painful to try

And wipe yourself out

And it’s also futile

Because you can’t do it

Trust me

I tried

And I tried hard

And I couldn’t do it

I couldn’t just take away

Everything

That makes me me

There was too much there

There was nothing--

There was no room, really

For him to, uh, paint on

You know, I was young

But I wasn’t--

I mean, I had lived

I had lived a life

And there was a certain amount of--

Like…

Take it or leave it, you know?

It’s there

Take it

Love it

Accept it

Because that’s what people are

They’re not blank canvases

They’re not empty, uh, whatever’s

They’re not blank slates

And you’re supposed to look at what’s there

And love it or not love it

But not--not ever

Expect it

Not to be there

Not wish for it

To not exist

And wish that you could, uh

You know, find somebody

That isn’t there

That’s--

That’s not how it’s supposed to work

That’s--

That’s not you’re supposed

To fall in love