Where I'm At

I was driving home from work

When it hit me

It always hits me

Uh, driving home

Driving home is--

It’s, uh, a tough time

To sort of--

Be wherever you are

--I think

And, uh, I was driving home

From work

Said that

And, uh, it hit me

That I wasn’t going home

To anything

Now, I’m not talking about

Being single

I’ve been single

I’ll be single

Probably for awhile
And that’s fine with me

But, no, I mean, like--

I am going home

To nothing

Like, there is nothing there

For me

And it’s not that

I don’t have a job

Or friends

Or people I can get on the phone with

And, uh, talk with

About stuff

But, uh, I feel like I’m missing

That thing

That, uh, crucial thing

That you’ve got, or--

That you’re supposed to have

Going on

In your life

That thing that makes you get home

And settle in

And feel like

There’s some reason for you

To go to bed

And wake up

And get back out there again

I’m not talking passion

Passion is--

I’m not romantic

I don’t have romantic ideas

About, like, passion

I just…

I just want a thing

I don’t know

Is that why people have kids?

Where I’m at now

Is I don’t want a kid

Or a spouse

Or some wedding to plan

Or, like, a vacation coming up

I just want something

That’s there

Waiting for me

To, like--

I drive home

And home is

This…

It’s not home

And I don’t know why

It used to be home

It used to feel like home

It used to be a place

Where I could…

But then, you know

The world got a little crazy

And I check my phone

And people are messaging me

And I’m just--

It’s this mix of

I don’t trust people

And I love people

And I hope for people

And people are fucking…

Disappointing

And I get the sense

That nobody’s happy for anybody
And that’s a whole--

That’s something

I don’t really even have time to--

Success seems like survival

These days

You alive?

Great, you’re a success

Congratulations

And you made it home, didn’t you?

So what are you complaining about, right?

Right?

Right

I just want to drive home

To a home

To friends

Who are friends

To something

That’s a thing

And not something

I’m occupying myself with

Until the real thing comes along

Whatever that is

Do you know what that is?

I don’t know

Fuck, I don’t

I just keep driving

Driving…

No idea, you know

No idea where I’m going