A Gatsby Invitation

Gatsby would like to invite you

To a party at his house

You can bring something if you want

But, like, nothing with pecans in it

Because somebody brought pecans last time

And Jay was NOT feeling that

Like, we have no idea

How some of you missed the memo

About Jay not being into pecans

But when he bit into that brownie

He was FURIOUS

Like, almost everybody had left

By that point

Because the party had been going on

For about a month and a half

But the eight-three of us

Who were still there

Got an EARFUL about those brownies

So please just leave the pecans at home

Or just show up empty-handed

Eating really isn’t encouraged

At these parties anyway

Just drinking

And flapper dancing

And posturing

And standing on the patio

Looking out into the night

Wondering how people stand

Being romantic

Without laughing at how all romance

Is manufactured

And not something human beings

Can feel naturally

Like nausea or rabies

We feel like we need to prepare you

For how much drinking there’s going to be

There is going to be A LOT of drinking
Like, an IRRESPONSIBLE amount of drinking

At least for the 1920’s

For the 2020’s it’ll be minimal

But for the 1920’s we are--

Whoo!

We are really out of control

Like, it’s bound to result in homicide

Probably double homicide

And not just your average murder

But, like, an ERA-ENDING kind of murder

Like in the 80s

When they killed J.R.

Did he die?
I never watched “Dallas”
I’m just assuming he died

Because if he didn’t

Who cares that he got shot?

Like, what difference would it make?

Anyway, stay off the lawn

Don’t be that guy

Who’s running around

With his pants around his ankles

Peeing all over the grass

The theme of this party is decadence

Not tomfoolery

There’s a difference

And yes, the theme of every party

Is decadence

But this time we’re going for

Elaborate Decadence

So...factor that in

When you choose which half-mask to wear

Now, if you show up

And the last party is still going

Just join in and wait

Until the next one starts

And above all else

Make sure that every hour

On the hour

You ask where Jay is

So someone can mysteriously whisper to you

That he’s ‘around somewhere’

If you do stumble into a room he’s in

Be sure to listen to whatever cryptic thing

He has to say

And then wait forty-eight hours

Before becoming totally obsessed with him

Last but not least

If you fall asleep in the dining room fountain

Put on a life jacket first

So you don’t drown

We love a tragic death around here

But not when it compromises

The decor

Other than all that,

We look forward to seeing you

At the soiree

Oh, and uh--

Don’t mention politics

The economy

Or whatever war it is

We’re fighting at the moment

Nothing ruins a Gatsby party

Like whatever’s going on

Outside of a Gatsby party

And pecans

No pecans