I don’t care
If you puked blood
All over the carpet
That’s no excuse
To be leaving a glass
On a perfectly good
Coffee table
Sheets with blood on them
You can change out
Bathtub with a naked fan in it
You can scrub
But you leave a ring
On a coffee table
That’s there forever
I can’t abide that, mate
It’s uncalled for
This isn’t about the maid
Who, as it is, makes minimum wage
And has to remove the sweaty lingerie
From the mini-bar
The maid is going to take
One look at that coffee table
And decide there’s nothing
She can do about it
Because there isn’t
They only give them cleaning supplies
For the easy stuff
Not the advanced problems
Of moisture on wood
Now, if this was a cheap coffee table
I wouldn’t mind
Like when we stayed at the Marriott
In Oklahoma city
And I did cocaine
Using a ripped out page
From Crime & Punishment
And threw a 1997 camcorder
Out the window
That coffee table was rubbish
I’d have let you leave every drink you wanted
On that yard sale cast-off
But this?
This is a beautiful piece of furniture
That you’re treating
The way our lyrics
Treat women
And also, the way we treat women
Don’t you have any respect
For craftsmanship?
Don’t you have any respect
For artisanal creation?
Don’t you have any respect
For the man or woman
But probably man
That toiled over this
Beautiful four-legged object?
No
No, you don’t
You’re content to just slam
A glistening glass of whiskey
Down on it
Knowing full well
In just a few seconds
Moisture is going to begin
Dripping down the sides of the glass
And onto that gorgeous
Unmarred surface
How can you just sit there
Smoking a cigarette
While a groupie tattoos the words--
Suck This Noise
On your arm
While that kind of destruction
Is happening
Just a few inches away from you?
You know, we’ve been in this band together
For a long time
And I’ve seen you get yourself into
Some real jams
But I’ve stood by you
I stood by you when you parachuted
That elephant into Vietnam
I stood by you when you played
A charity basketball game
Against everyone on The Harlem Globetrotters
I stood by you when you ate that cabbage
That had been sitting out
For at least two days
In the middle of August
But this?
This disgusts me
You’re better than this
And as soon as I clear
All the drug dealers
And topless groupies
And wanted felons
And those two hyenas we stole from the zoo
Out of this hotel room
You and I are going to have a little talk
About respect
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