Venus

I’m Venus

I’m the second planet from the sun

But like how my friend’s Steve house

Is second over from the Mizzara Bakery

And that’s why his house smells like bread all the time

Which he says it doesn’t

But it does

But he lies sometimes

But we’re still friends

But I can beat him up

But I don’t

But I could

One time Steve tried roller-skating

On a field trip

Where we went to a roller rink

And he fell down

But nobody saw it but me

But I didn’t say anything

But this girl in our class

Saw him look around suspiciously

And she said, ‘Steve, did you fall?’

And he said, ‘No’

And I said, ‘Don’t lie’

Because you shouldn’t lie

And then everybody knew he fell

But I really didn’t say anything

If you think about it

Which is kind of like Venus

Because it knows what Earth is doing

But it doesn’t always say

But if Mars notices Earth being weird

And the Earth says it’s not being weird

Than Venus should say something

Because Venus isn’t a liar

Just because Earth is

Venus is made of the truth

And natural gasses

Including phosphate

And uranium

And bleach

And deodorant

And Q-Tips

And some other stuff

That you might find

Under a sink

Like if you looked

Like if you looked under my sink

You’d find uranium I bet

Venus is named after the god

Of love and beauty

And Steve is in love with my sister

Which is gross

Because she’s old enough

To be his grandmother

And he smells like a peanut butter

And jelly sandwich

And my parents say it’s not his fault

But everything is somebody’s fault

Just like the pyramids

So I don’t know

You can’t see Venus with the naked eye

But that would be weird anyway

Like why is your eye naked

Or, like, why is that a thing?

You can’t put clothes on an eye

So why would you say it’s naked?

And why are you thinking about it anyway?
That makes you weird

Stop being weird

Venus has its own unique orbit

But just don’t be weird about it, okay?

We can’t survive on Mercury

Because our phones wouldn’t work

And so we’d be trying to breathe

And we wouldn’t be able to

So we’d call 9-1-1

But our phones wouldn’t work

So we’d just have to die

Which is sad

Like how my uncle almost died

But then he didn’t

But now he keeps talking about Jesus

And I like Jesus

But not my uncle

So if Jesus and my uncle are friends now

I don’t know how I feel about that

Like how Steve is friends with Rich Sandun

And I don’t like Rich

Because he had a pool party once

And he said he invited me

But he definitely didn’t

But that’s just because he doesn’t like me

Because one time I told him he had a bug in his hair

And it turned out to be a booger

But it wasn’t my booger

But everybody freaked out

And after that it was just weird with me and him

But Steve likes him because at the pool party

Rich’s sister came downstairs

And she’s prettier than my sister

I guess

I don’t know

She might be

I don’t know

And so then Steve started liking her

AND my sister

And I was like--

PICK A LANE

And Steve was like--

Don’t call your sister a lane

And I was like--

That’s her name

Her name is Elaine

So it was a misunderstanding

But we fought anyway

But I didn’t try very hard

Because I could hurt Steve really bad

If I wanted to

But I didn’t feel like it

Just like how Venus doesn’t feel

Like going around the sun

As fast as some of the other planets

But eventually it gets there

Like how Steve and I wound up

At Six Flags on the same day

And our parents made us go on rides together

Which is how Steve and I became friends again

But Rich still isn’t talking to me

Which is fine

Because I don’t like pool parties

Only ones where we get to play laser tag

Thank you

And for a list of my sources

Please check with me next week

Because my printer is broken