Fido's Farm

You know, when they told me

They were taking me to the farm

I thought it was just, you know…

...Code

Code for, you know,

They were just going to take me to the vet

And put me out of my misery

I thought the whole farm thing

Was just a euphemism

So the kids wouldn’t get upset

But it turns out--

There’s a farm!

It’s this farm upstate

Like, way upstate

Like, really far upstate

And at this farm

It’s just me

And, you know,

A bunch of other really sick animals

Who aren’t sick anymore

Many of them are pets

Lots of pets

Tons of hamsters

Just--an insane amount

Of hamsters

Running around everywhere

They’re too sickly to breed

Thank goodness

But it doesn’t really matter

Because every day a new truck pulls up

And just dumps hamsters

All over the place

Bunnies, we have bunnies

Cats, you know,

A lot of cats

And dogs

And a few birds

Not that many birds

But a few

We all just hang out here

And take care of each other

And we don’t die

Which is interesting

You know, because the farm

Must be magic or something

Or why wouldn’t we all

Be dead by now?

I mean, I’m at least fifty

And that is way too old

For a poodle

I’m talking fifty

In human years

To be straight with you,

I don’t think I’m supposed

To live past twenty

Like, I think twenty

Is supposed to be, you know

The maximum

But I was twelve

When I got this farm

And I’ve been here ever since

And that was almost forty years ago

We had a lot of hamsters

Back then too

But now we just have

Way too many hamsters

Sorry, I don’t mean

To keep harping on the hamsters

It’s just that we have--

So many of them

It’s nice though

But…

I miss my kids

They were so awesome

And I bet they’re really sad

Without me

Now they’d be older, of course,

But I bet at the time

They were really sad

To see me go

Thinking I was going to a farm

And that I didn’t want to see them again

When really I was going to a farm

But I did want to see them again

And I thought maybe

They would come visit

But they never did

Maybe they didn’t know how to get here

It’s not easy to find

I mean, it’s way upstate

So maybe they tried

And maybe they just couldn’t find it

And maybe that was sad for them

And maybe they never got another dog

But maybe they did

Maybe they did

But I bet they never

Got a hamster

I don’t think they’d do that

I hope they wouldn’t

It’s not a bad farm

But there aren’t a lot of people around

You miss people

When you don’t have any of them

They’re not always worth the trouble

But boy oh boy

Do they know how to scratch a tummy

I hope I get to see another one again

Not just one driving a truck

Full of hamsters

But a real one

That would be swell

I would really, really

Like that