Fame Therapy

"So the issue we're looking at is--"
"Fame."
"Right."
"I need to work out the whole fame thing."
"Would you say it's an infatuation?"
"Oh absolutely, doctor.  Probably an obsession even."
"Okay, so what we could do--"
"You can help?"
"I can certainly try.  All obsessions are rooted in--"
"So what are your ideas?"
"Well, again, we could find the root of--"
"Are we thinking a viral video?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Should I make a video and, like, really push it?  Try to get it to go viral?  I took this one of a puppy barking that old Wayne Newton song but--"
"Wait, stop.  I'm confused.  What are you saying?"
"I'm saying you're going to help me become famous, right?  Isn't that why I'm here?"
"No.  I'm going to help you deal with your obsession."
"...By helping me become famous."
"No."
"Well, why not?"
"Because that's not how you cure an obsession."
"Isn't an obsession an illness?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes."
"Don't you usually prescribe medicine for an illness?"
"Of course."
"So then shouldn't you be helping me get famous?  Wouldn't that be the cure for being obsessed with fame?"
"No, not--"
"I mean, if someone has cancer you give them cancer medicine, right?"
"We don't really call it 'cancer medicine' but--"
"So give me fame medicine.  Fame being the medicine."
"Disregarding the fact that I have no idea how to make someone famous--"
"You better not be billing me for this."
"--Even if I did.  You can't go through life being obsessed with fame."
"Why not?  People go through life obsessed with all sorts of things.  Then, once they get them, they're fine."
"That's not--"
"Women get obsessed with having children.  Men get obsessed with women.  Children get obsessed with toys.  You give people what they want, and everybody's thrilled."
"But none of those things are what those people actually want.  Women want to be feel appreciated.  Men want to feel validated.  Children--"
"--Like toys!"
"Fame will not stop you from wanting what it is you really want."
"Which is what?"
"It could be lots of things.  Love--"
"Don't people love famous people?"
"That's not real love."
"I don't know.  I think I really do love James Brolin."
"That doesn't--James Brolin?  Really?"
"Sure, I'd like love.  Who wouldn't?  Fame will get me that."
"There's also...the urge to be remembered."
"Well people do tend to remember the famous.  I remember James Brolin."
"Why wouldn't you remember him?  He's still alive."
"And he always will be...in my heart."
"Anyone who finds themselves fascinated by fame is dealing with a problem that fame itself would not only not help, but probably exacerbate."
"What if I just want to get clapped at all the time and told I'm awesome?"
"You don't need to be famous for--okay, maybe the clapping, yeah."
"I know I shouldn't want it, but it could be worse.  I could want drugs or alcohol or Brazilian hookers.  I just want fame.  That's not awful, right?"
"It's not...the worst thing."
"You never wanted it?"
"I wanted to help people."
"You could help people--if you were, like, a famous doctor."
"I could help you like I am now."
"I'd probably listen to you more more if you were famous."
"What is it about fame that appeals to you?  Aside from the clapping and being told you're awesome and unconditional love, what is it you're looking for?"
"Doc, let me ask you this:  What else is there?"