Paulina at a Sex Toy Party

Okay, okay!

Settle down, sluts and weirdos
It's time for Paulina's sex toy party!

I have taken my toes on the road
Because, due to hard economy
Paulina's Palace of Porn was forced to close down
And when I say 'hard economy'
I mean INS showed up
And Paulina was missing her mean card
Although if you ask my former customers
They can vouch for me that I am the mean

Anyhoodle, that's another whore for a different shoe

Here today, we are celebrating sexuality at home

Because most of you Americans
Are too fat
To fit on the street corners
Where you used to peddle your booshnitas
To men named John

Why men named John like sex with sluts so much?

My brother was named John
All he did was lick candles
And spend too much time
In the llama pen

I sold him to a gypsy
For three kopecks
After my parents died
So I could buy a loaf of bread

Was like that book
The Miserable Lesbian
Except without all the singing

NOW--Who wants to try Paulina's New At-Home-Slut-Kit?

In it you will find--

Booshnita Cream

You place it on your booshnita
And it will burn so badly
You will immediately remember what childbirth was like
And so you will never whoo-whoo again

Very popular with the Catholics

Also, we have pinunu rings

When inserted on the pinunu
The ring gives off eclectic shock
That makes man understand childbirth
And the immediately kill himself

Very popular with the wives of Catholics

Finally, I have 'Make Your Own Filthy Sex Tape' package

It comes with handcuffs
A vidjo-camera
And a cardboard cut-out
Of Joseph Stalin
Guaranteed to excite
Even the most frigid woman

Now, who wants to play sex party games?

I brought my teaser
So that we could play my favorite:

The Naughty Capitalist Who Gets Teasered By the Prison Guard

Just talking about it
Is stirring my koshfiva

Luckily, I have a cream for that as well

So fill out your order forms
And remember
I'm also available for traditional Russian birthday parties

Where we shoot the clown
And make the pony pull a cart
Across the barren field

Ugh, how I miss the old country

Okay, sluts
Show me the honey!