Where Have You Been?

Where have I been?
You wanna know where I've been?

I've been missing things
Missing weddings
Missing vacations
Missing birthday parties
So I could be working
Because I thought
That was the idea
I thought the idea
Was to work

Did nobody give you the hungry speech?
How everybody's hungry
And wants this
And wants it so much more than you can ever even understand
No matter how bad
You think
You want it?

Did nobody tell you
That there are people out there
Who are willing
To cut off their own arms
Just to have a tenth of the success
That, realistically, you and I will never have

I've been out there
Trying to beat those people
Trying to keep up with those people

While you've been settling in
While you've been getting engaged
Getting married
Having kids
Forgetting, apparently
What it is you wanted to do

What it is you said you loved

I've been busting my ass
And busting everyone else's too
To keep this thing that I have
That I've been dreaming about my whole life
Intact, okay?

That's where I've been

You think you can dabble in this?
You think this is something
You can just have as a hobby?

How did you get so far off-track?
How did you wake up one day
And find that your whole life was totally off the rails
And not just blow your fucking brains out
Two seconds later?

You made a deal with yourself
And then you broke the deal

I'd betray every person on this planet
Before I'd betray myself

Before I'd say that what I loved
Was worth putting aside

Just so I could get married
And create kids
And tell them, Yeah follow your dream
Even though I gave mine up
To have you

If I have kids
I don't want the best thing they ever do
To be making more kids

But fuck, that's just me

That's just where I've been

Since you asked
Since you wanted to know

Now what about you

Where have you been?

I feel like I haven't seen you
In forever