See That Bird? I Can Eat It

-- This is Michael's suggestion done as a stream-of-conscious monologue performed by a six-year-old. --

"See That Bird? I Can Eat It"

I am a bear
I can eat things
That I'm not supposed to eat
Because when you're a bear
You can eat lots of things
Like pie
Even before dinner
Because you don't ever get full
And it's a small pie anyway
So why not just eat it?

See that bird? I can eat it

I can eat it
Because I am a bear
Bears eat birds
That's what my cousin told me
And she is smart
Because my aunt is smart
But not my uncle
Because my aunt is my mom's sister
And my uncle is my uncle just cause of my aunt
So that's why he didn't get to be smart
Everyone who is to my mom is smart
So I am smart
I am a smart bear

See that chalkboard? I can eat it.

Because I am a bear
And bears are big
And can fit chalkboards in their stomach
And other things
Like couches
And pajamas
And my sister
I could eat my sister
If she was mean
Cause she is
And she would deserve to be in my stomach
Where it would be cold
And she would have to sit on the couch I ate
And wear pajamas that are smelly
Because they've been in my stomach
And she'd have to think about being mean
And maybe change her mind

See Mrs. Lupinksy? I can eat her.

Because bears shouldn't go to school
Because they know everything
That's how come they live
Even when it's cold outside
And there's snow
And hunters too
That are mean
Because they shoot bears
Like me

Bears can also hibernate
But only after they eat a lot!
Hibernate is when you sleep
Because it's winter
And it's cold
And there's snow
Like I said before
But you're asleep
Because your mom told you
That you had to sleep
Even though you weren't really tired
And you didn't really need to hibernate
Because you have fur
So you wouldn't be that cold
But she said no
And that was that

See my homework? No?

That's cause I ate it
That's why I don't have it
Because I ate it
When I was a bear
Because I was trying
To see what it would be like
To be a bear
And I ate my really long report
That I did for you, Mrs. Lupinsky
Who I didn't eat
Even though I could have
When I was a bear

It was a really good report
And I was sad that it had to be eaten
But when you're hungry
You're hungry

And that is what I learned about bears
And what they eat
And my sister is mean
Enough to me already
So please be nice to me

Thank you