Leaving Rhode Island: Miss Exile

     (OLIVIA and JODY are sitting while their mothers, VICKY and ALICIA stand and chat.)

VICKY:  To think, the last Miss Exile.

ALICIA:  It's sort of sad when you think about it.

VICKY:  Except for the fact that the exile's over.

ALICIA:  Right, I mean that's--Right.

OLIVIA:  I dream of hot wax melting her face off.

JODY:  Olivia!

OLIVIA:  Like you don't?

JODY:  Hot wax?  Please.  My mother's had every kind of dead bacteria injected into her face.  Hot wax wouldn't even phase her.

VICKY:  Olivia is so excited.

ALICIA:  Jody too.  She talks about it all the time.

JODY:  She barely speaks to me.  I developed a nervous tic just to see if she would notice.

OLIVIA:  Did she?

JODY:  She suggested I get botox, so...kinda.

OLIVIA:  My mom wanted to get me lipo so I called DYCF on her.

JODY:  What did they do?

OLIVIA:  Nothing.  She talked to the social worker for five minutes at the front door, and the next thing I knew, she was going out with him for drinks.

ALICIA:  You know, the thing about kids is--they're only young once.  One day they're a year old and then the next day, they're--uh--Olivia?

OLIVIA:  I'm sixteen.

ALICIA:  Sixteen!  They're sixteen!  Can you believe it?

VICKY:  I feel like I blinked Jody became a woman.

JODY:  When I 'became a woman' she brought me to the ER, aimed me at a nurse, and said 'She'll explain it all to you.  Mommy has a hair appointment.'

VICKY:  It all happened so fast.

ALICIA:  And now one of them is going to be the last Miss Exile.

VICKY:  And the other one--whoever it is--shouldn't be disappointed.

ALICIA:  Of course not!  There's nothing wrong with second place.

VICKY:  Nothing at all.

ALICIA:  Second is--I mean, it's not first--

VICKY:  No, it's not, but--

ALICIA:  But it's something.

VICKY:  Right.  It's fine.

ALICIA:  And fine is fine.

VICKY:  It's not not fine.

ALICIA:  Of course not--not--yes.

OLIVIA:  Wouldn't it be simpler if they just battled it out in a ring of fire or something?

JODY:  If they keep smiling that hard the collagen in their lips is going to explode.

OLIVIA:  I don't want to be Miss Exile.

JODY:  Nobody does.  It's embarrassing.  You're basically Queen of the Losers.

OLIVIA:  What if we just ran out of here right now?

JODY:  One girl tried last year.

OLIVIA:  And?

JODY:  Her mom tackled her to the ground and then made her perform the national anthem while she had her in a headlock.

OLIVIA:  Didn't she win?

JODY:  She came in second.  Nobody's seen her since.

ALICIA:  Second is great!

VICKY:  It's fine!

OLIVIA:  This is going to be mortifying.

JODY:  Can you just push me off the stage before they make me do the tap dance?

OLIVIA:  Fire batons, Jody.  Fire batons.

ALICIA:  You know, it’s the craziest thing.  This morning, I got up, and I thought—after this, we can go back to Rhode Island.  We can be people again—regular people, you know—Rhode Islanders.  But we sort of won’t be special either, you know?  We’ll just be—who we were before.  Except for Miss Exile.  She’ll be somebody.  She’ll be somebody special.

OLIVIA:  No, she won’t.  She’ll be a has-been before she ever gets to be a somebody.

JODY:  That’s so powerful.

OLIVIA:  I know, right?

VICKY:  That’s all you want for your children, isn’t it?  That they can achieve a sense of purpose in the world?

ALICIA:  Absolutely.  I always knew my purpose.  Grow up, start a family—

OLIVIA:  Marry rich.

ALICIA:  Marry somebody I love.

OLIVIA:  Somebody with a bad heart.

ALICIA:  And have a child I could love, cherish—

OLIVIA:  Torture.

ALICIA:  Watch grow into a respectable young woman.

JODY:  Is she making you wear the two-piece?

OLIVIA:  Yup.

ALICIA:  I only wish the exile had happened sooner so I could have been Miss Exile.

VICKY:  God, I feel the same way.  These girls are so lucky.

ALICIA:  Aren't they though?

ALL:  Just so lucky.

     (Lights.)