Leaving Rhode Island: Walla Walla

I was too young to have a baby

But…oh well

I got the exile letter

And I was so devastated

But then…

There was this…uh, let’s call her a co-worker

She had a baby

A baby she didn’t want

And I…offered to help

She gave me the baby

And I took off for Walla Walla

You wanna know why?

Because they mention it in Looney Tunes

And I never thought it was a real place

And it is, so I went there

I wanted to live in the place from Looney Tunes

And I wanted to be like Diane Keaton in Baby Boom

With my own line of baby food

Shopping at Farmers Markets

Using only cloth diapers

Needless to say, that went out of the window pretty fast

The baby starts to cry

And pee herself at the same time

And pretty soon you’re buying diapers by the bulk

And going through the drive-thru at McDonald’s

Because the Farmers Market is from eight to noon

And you look like an extra from The Walking Dead

Until five o’clock—if you’re lucky

And you don’t get out much

It’s just you and the baby

And…then a few years go by

And you can’t imagine living any other way

I live in a fictitious city

I mean, it’s real and yet—

It’s sort of not real

I have a child

Who is not mine

And my life…is nothing I could have had in Rhode Island

Sometimes you have to throw yourself

Into insanity

Into sheer…unbelievability, or whatever

In order to have a life you couldn’t ever dream of

It can be...upsetting

To wake up one day

And say—Well, this really isn’t what I wanted

Unless you wake up

And see a little girl

You never thought you’d have

Then, maybe it isn’t what you thought it would be, but…

It’s also more than you ever thought was possible, so…

Ha, um…I’m sorry

I’m not an eloquent woman

But I’m a damn good mom

I know, right?

Who would have thought?