(A
rehearsal hall. WILL and LAUREN.)
LAUREN: He’s
going to let her come back.
WILL: No,
he’s not.
LAUREN:
Please, I went through this at the Orpheus. I know what’s going to happen.
WILL: The
Orpheus was a shithole. This is a
real theater. Jessica couldn’t act
her way out of a…a…
LAUREN: You
know, it scares me that you’re a playwright.
WILL: She’s
not coming back.
LAUREN: What
makes you so sure? I mean, they
let her stay in the company for two years before the exile. Now that she doesn’t have to stay out
of the state anymore, what makes you think she won’t come right back?
WILL: She
hasn’t been working. That’s
proof. That’s proof that she’s
terrible and that Evan just cast her because he wanted to sleep with her. I mean, even a mildly terrible actress
can find work somewhere in five years.
The fact that she couldn’t--?
LAUREN: It
won’t matter. Evan’s still here
and he’s still a sexual deviant.
She’s going to come waltzing right back into this theater. Watch. We’re going to see Jessica come waltzing through that door
any minute now.
WILL: This is
why straight men should never run theaters. Straight men should stick to fixing clogged pipes and
butchering ham. They know nothing
about art.
LAUREN: Wait,
are you not straight?
WILL: I’m
undecided.
LAUREN: Since
when?
WILL: Five
years of dating actresses, Lauren, it would turn any man gay.
LAUREN: But
you and I—
WILL: No, you
were great. You were one of the
great ones. I love that thing you
do with your hair. It’s a great
finale.
LAUREN: So
you’ve…with boys?
WILL: This
one guy when I was in Italy, but that’s it. The ass on him—
LAUREN: Ew.
WILL: And he
used to wear this little bathing suit—
LAUREN:
Please—enough.
WILL: Too bad
I couldn’t crack, Evan. Maybe then
he’d finally get around to producing some I’ve written.
LAUREN: He
sees you as an actor. That’s the
problem.
WILL: I’ve
been here since the exile. Five
years and I’m still playing dumb roles in dumb plays and that’s not what—
LAUREN: You
can get your work done anywhere.
WILL: At the
Orpheus they let me be an actor and a writer.
LAUREN: The
Orpheus is gone. I managed to get
you here—we’re survivors, Will.
And that’s not a noble thing.
That just means you’re lucky.
We’re both lucky.
WILL: And so
what? Now the exile is over and
you think we’re less lucky?
LAUREN: She’s
not that much different from me.
There are only so many types of people in this world. We like to think we’re all like
snowflakes, but the truth is, when it comes to actresses, you can go with
Person A just as easily as you can go with Person B.
WILL: So
sleep with Evan.
LAUREN: Will!
WILL: Oh, you
women with your ‘What? Sleep with
my Boss? Hashtag feminism!’ Give me a break. You think men wouldn’t need to sleep
their way to the top if you girls were in charge. My first three bosses were women and I slept with all of
them. It’s not a girl thing or a
boy thing, it’s a career thing.
Don’t make sex this precious thing you only do with your boyfriend. Learn to wield it like a sword. It’s theater, for godsakes, you
shouldn’t be ready to sleep with or sword fight anybody at a moment’s notice.
LAUREN: I am
not sleeping with Evan.
WILL: Then
you’re probably going to get removed from the company.
LAUREN: Will!
WILL: Don’t
tell me you’re not willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want and
then expect me to feel bad for you when you don’t get it.
LAUREN: When
did you suddenly become so hostile?
WILL: Lauren,
we barely know each other. We go
to rehearsals together, we do shows together, yes we slept together, but other
than that, we’re practically strangers.
We have this one thing we love that connects us, but other than that—
LAUREN: And
the kid.
(A
beat.)
WILL: The—a
what?
LAUREN: The kid. The five-year-old…kid.
WILL: You’re
joking.
LAUREN: I’m
not. Apparently you were wielding
that sword a little too vigorously.
WILL: Why…I
don’t…
LAUREN:
Because—ready for all this feminism?—I wanted a career. Here. So…I took care of it.
WILL: What
did you?
LAUREN: I
took…uh…you’re not going to believe me.
WILL: I already don’t believe you.
LAUREN: She
wanted a kid. I didn’t.
WILL: Who
did?
LAUREN:
Jessica.
(A
beat.)
WILL: You…You
gave birth to our child…and then handed it over…to that HORRIBLE actress?
(A
beat.)
LAUREN: Yes.
WILL: No
wonder you don’t want her coming back.
LAUREN: I’m
sorry to tell you this way.
WILL: Why
would you give her to Jessica?
LAUREN: Who
else was I going to give her to?
My mother? She would have
grown up watching Nancy Grace and wearing American flag jorts.
WILL: Did you
ever think about—
LAUREN: God,
I thought about everything. But
like you said—we’re practically strangers. You’re just some guy I do shows with. Some random guy I’ve spent hours upon
hours of my life with and apparently that means nothing.
WILL: Lauren—
LAUREN:
Apparently life only begins when you leave work or rehearsal or a
vacation or a club—apparently life happens for three hours everyday when you’re
sitting at home thinking about all the time you spent that day doing everything
but living.
WILL: I—
LAUREN: You
were my life. All those years
ago—you were…not so much after I…Oh for godsake’s Will, I got fat and then
disappeared for two months.
WILL: You said
you were doing summer stock in Mississippi!
LAUREN: THEY
DON’T HAVE THEATER IN MISSISSIPPI, WILL!
(A
beat.)
WILL: If she
comes back…
LAUREN: Maybe
she won’t.
WILL: But if
she wants to work…this is where she got work and—
LAUREN: Evan
doesn’t like having single mothers at his theater.
WILL: How
would you—
LAUREN: He
told me so. When I told him I was
pregnant, he said, I don’t like having single mothers at my theater. Too many…complications.
(A
beat.)
WILL: Wow.
LAUREN: See,
you didn’t make the decision for me—he did.
WILL: I’m so
sorry.
LAUREN: Oh
God, Will. Don’t be sorry. Please. Be anything but sorry.
WILL: I…I don’t
know how we can just…keep going now.
LAUREN: Don’t
be ridiculous, Will. If there’s
one thing we all agree to, it’s that the show goes on. No matter what.
(Lights.)
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