If It's Not the Vaccine

They tell me that the vaccine had nothing to do with it

They say it wasn’t the vaccine’s fault

So whose fault was it?

Or, I guess, rather

What was at fault?

I’m not a stupid person

I understand science

I understand, logically

That a vaccine

That vaccines

Are, you know, harmless

But—my son got a shot

She had her shots, I mean

And then…

So what was it?

I mean, because, yes

I’m intelligent

And so, I understand cause and effect

I understand that something happens

And then something else happens

And so—something must have happened, right?

So what happened?

Did he eat something?

Did he touch something?

Was he allergic

To something?

I mean, I’m—I’m hysterical

I haven’t, you know, fallen apart—yet

But the only thing keeping me

From not, uh, losing my mind

Is trying to figure out

What caused this

So am I entertaining the idea

That maybe a vaccine caused it?

Yes, yes I am

I—an intelligent person

Am considering what I know to be

A ridiculous idea

Because—why not?

Because peanuts can kill you

Have you ever thought about

How ridiculous that is?

That peanuts

Can kill you?

But go into a pre-school

Where there’s a child that has a nut allergy

Say the word ‘peanut’

And watch everybody hit the floor

As if enemy planes are flying overhead

Something as stupid

As dumb as a peanut

Can kill you

But a vaccine can’t give you autism?

Why, right?

Or or or

--Why not?

I understand that it’s not likely

But are we saying

It’s not even possible?

That it’s impossible?

Is anything impossible?

Isn’t science built on the idea

That anything is possible?

But if it makes science look bad, right?

My son did the same thing everyday

Ate the same thing everyday

Ate healthy

I made sure his food was healthy

I made sure everything was fine

That he was never—

That he was safe

And, and, and

Cared for

No beestings

No power lines near our house

No injuries

He never had a scratch on him

And now he’s—

Something had to cause this

He was fine

He got vaccinated

And then—

So what am I supposed to think?

Tell me what I’m supposed to think?

Cause and effect

That’s all I’m saying

And people jump down my throat for it

Well, you know what?

Fuck you

Your kid is fine

And yes, yes—okay

Your kid got vaccinated

And he’s fine

Or she’s fine

But mine got vaccinated

And now he is

Not

Fine

And what am I supposed to do?

Say ‘Oh well?’

‘Stuff happens?’

Just…move on?

I…

Something caused this

This didn’t just

Happen

You want me to shut up?

You want me to stop saying that maybe it was vaccines?

Fine

But if it’s not vaccines

It’s something else

So…tell me what it is

And I’ll stop blaming the vaccinations

Believe me, I want to

I don’t like sounding ignorant

I don’t like having people yell at me online

In forums

When I’m just looking for information

When I’m just…

I’m just looking for help, but…

Tell me what did this

And I’ll believe you

I want to believe you

Just…

Just tell me what it was