Tracy Who Might Not Work Here

We’re not exactly sure if Tracy

Works here or not

If she does work here

Then she’s in big trouble

Because these documents

Were supposed to be in the mail last week

But if she doesn’t work here

Then I can see how she might have forgotten

To send them out

I mean, we’re all human

We all make mistakes

But there are other things

That aren’t getting done

And I can only really blame Tracy for that

Assuming she did, in fact, get hired

When she was supposed to have been hired

But then again

We were hiring her to be the person

In charge of hiring

Which has left us in a kind of paradox

We’re not sure how to get out of

It’s possible that Tracy thought to hire herself

You know, to, uh, take it upon herself

To be hired

If one can do such a thing

And if she did—as one does

Then I really have to speak with her

Because, though I would admire her determination

We really can’t have people hiring themselves

Willy nilly

When money right now is so tight

So while it would be fine for her to have hired herself

Because we need somebody to send out these documents

And also, to do the hiring of others

I feel it might set a scary precedent

That we would need to address immediately

The problem is

Addressing scary precedents

Or policies that we feel

May not be working

Is also the job of the person

In charge of hiring

So Tracy would need to address the precedent

She set

By hiring herself

And then decide what she wants to do about it

And, of course, that presents a conflict of interest

And I’m not really sure who’s in charge of conflicts of interest

But I hope it’s not Tracy

Or whoever would be in Tracy’s position

Because then the job would fall to me

And I’m in Barcelona all next week

Which means the problem wouldn’t be deal with

Until I get back

And by then the documents will be pretty much worthless

And the Head Office will be up my ass sideways

Maybe I can have Tracy call the Head Office

If she is, in fact, hired

But if she is, she has a lot to answer for

Because, as you can see, things are a mess around here

Documents aren’t being signed

People are hiring themselves

The coffeepot hasn’t been fixed

Even though I wrote Tracy several memos about it

And marked the last one as ‘Urgent’

So if Tracy does work here

I think we need to ask ourselves

If her employment is really working out

Or if we need to explore whether or not

This is the right place for her

And if it’s not

Then we need her to hire

Someone to fire her

Because the person in charge of firing

Is also the person in charge of hiring

Unless she can just fire herself?

Or would that be considered quitting?

I hope she can quit

Because I’m not sure we have someone

To sign off on severance pay

Or do we have someone?

Did we hire someone?

I can’t remember

I’ll have to send Tracy a memo

After I find out whether or not

She actually works here

Wait, I’m not Tracy

…Am I?

Wow, that would be

A big problem