Can I Have a Glass, Please?

I am not drinking

From a mason jar

They must have a glass

They must have a glass

Somewhere in this restaurant

I refuse to buy into this thing

That people do

When they want to identify

Who they are

Without just saying

Who they are

So they had you a mason jar

And tell you--

Drink from this

This is who I am

But that’s who you are!

That’s not who I want to be!

I’m fine with you being

The stereotype

That you so enjoy being

Even though at this point

You’re just leaning into

The stereotype

That’s been applied to you

And at this point

It’s not even a stereotype

It’s a cliche

You’re a cliche

This jar is a cliche

And you want me to drink from it

You want me to drink

From a cliche

And I don’t want to

I want a glass

Can I have a glass please?

I just want a glass

I’m not trying

To make a statement

I’m not trying

To be difficult

I just don’t see

Why you would choose

To drink from something

That isn’t a glass

When a glass

Was specifically designed

To drink from

It gets the job done

We didn’t need

An alternative

I know exactly

What my experience

Is going to be here

I know what kind of food

You’re going to serve me

I know all your servers

Are going to have

Ironic tattoos

And infected ear piercings

And haircuts

That are trying too hard

While also trying to look like

You just happened

To wake up this morning

With an asymmetrical haircut

Even though that’s impossible

Because an owl didn’t fly into your bedroom last night

And slash your bangs in half

I want to drink from a glass

And use forks

And eat spaghetti

And have a nice night out

Without feeling like

I’m cool

I don’t want to feel cool

I want to feel comfortable

I’m too old to feel cool

And I’ve gone to therapy

To accept the fact

That I’m not cool

And I pay a lot for therapy

And I spent a lot of money

On the wine glass set

I bought myself

As a TGIF gift three weeks ago

So if you want

I can go home

And get those

And bring them here

And I’ll drink from those

Just please take these jars

Off the table

Please get them--

Huh?

Oh

Oh, I didn’t see the--

The, uh…

The candles

They’re...candles

Well

Oh, well, uh--

They’re very nice, uh…

....Candles

Yes, uh, I’m--

I’m fine now, yes

Thank you

Um…

So…

What did you say

The specials were

Again?