To My Mother On Her Way To Prison

Dear Mom,

I can’t decide

If I should ask

Whether or not
I still have to go to school

Everybody knows

That I’m a fraud

I know I can’t go to the school

You were trying

To bribe me into

But I don’t know if that means

I can’t go to any school

Like, am I on a list or something?

I don’t really want to go to school

I feel like school is where you go

So you can learn something

So you can get a job

So you can make money

I already have money

And I already know

What I want to do

With my life

I want to start a cosmetics line

And maybe a lifestyle brand

And at some point
I want to produce movies

That inspire young girls

To pursue their own passions

I want to be Kylie Jenner

But I want to be Malala too

And I don’t think college

Prepares you

To be either of those people

Can I ask you something, Mom?

Do you think I’m stupid?

Do you think I couldn’t have

Gotten a good grade

On the SAT’s?

You do know that my lack of worth ethic

Is not a reflection

Of my intelligence, right?

Some of the laziest people I know

Are geniuses

If there’s one thing
I could probably nail

It’s a test designed

To give white people

A leg up in the world

Those tests have been proven

To skew towards, like, helping

People like me

Do well

So what makes you think

I’d do badly on them?

If anything, you should have spent

Your money

Bribing my teachers

To give me better grades

Or to say that I was on

The Debate Team

Instead you got some volleyball coach

To say I’m this amazing player

And I’ve never touched a volleyball

In my life

I mean, it doesn’t look that hard

But I don’t know why that was what

You decided to use

To get me into a school that’s, like,

Honestly not even that impressive

Mom, do you know how much I make

On those videos I post?

If me going to a good school

Was really that important to you

Why didn’t you just say so?

I have enough to make a donation

To a school like Brown

And coast right in

You didn’t need to commit a crime

To get me a good college education

When there are plenty of ways

To do it that are highly unethical

But not against the law

Now you’re going to prison

And I might have to visit you

And the anxiety I have

Thinking about that?

I just think the lesson

We can all learn from this

Is that you shouldn’t

Get yourself in trouble

Trying to accomplish something

Only kind of noteworthy

Until you’ve exhausted

All the ways money

Can get you something

Way better

Honestly, Mom, I know

You weren’t born rich

But that’s all the more reason

To check with me

Before you forget

Who you are

But I guess you’ll have

Plenty of time to think about that

Until I see you

Again