Sully the Cat Decides That It's Not Working Out

Dear Owner One and Owner Two,

I never bothered

To learn your names

Which was always a bad sign

I may be an older cat

And my memory may not be

What it once was

But even I have the ability

To memorize two human names

Regardless of how dumb they are

I heard you say them once

And I thought--

Those aren’t names

I’ve had humans

With normal names

And yours are not normal

Thank you for taking me in

And doting on me

And feeding me

And letting me sit in a box

Whenever I want

But I think we all know

This isn’t working out

For one thing

You keep putting your squares

In front of me

To take my photo

From what I can piece together

Listening to you two do

What I’m sure you consider to be

Conversing

It appears as though

You have created some kind of place

On your squares

Where you put all the pictures of me

And that you have given me the name--

Prickly Pete

Owners, do you realize

That I am four hundred years old

In cat years?

I am not prickly

I am tired

And my hair is falling out

And the other day

I coughed up a hairball

That was mostly vole bones

And I can’t remember

Eating a vole

So I think it’s safe to say

The adorable years

Are well behind me

The idea of strangers

Mocking me

For my disdain

Was enough to make me

Pack up my things

And go

You’ll probably notice

That I’ve moved my mouse toy

And my dead mouse

That I kept hidden behind the couch

To the hallway

And by tomorrow

They, and I, will be gone

We had a good run

Oh sure, two weeks

Might not seem like ‘a run’

But when you’re my age

Longevity seems subjective

I’m sure I’ll find a new home

Or drop dead in an alley somewhere

At which point the spaceship will come down

And take me to that place

With all the feline ballerinas

And even though I don’t know how to dance

I’m sure they’ll teach me

And I’m a tenor

And there are never enough of those

So I’ll do just fine

I’m not scared to be on my own

I’ve been with myself

For so long

I know what I’ve got

And what I’ve got

To look forward to

Life’s too short

To spend it

With people

Who only love you

Based on what

You can do for them

You want a funny-looking cat

So other people will think

You’re funny

Why not just learn

To be funny?

Or don’t?

Or learn not to care

If other people think

You’re funny

But don’t be pet-owners
Because that’s not who you are

Although I guess now

I’m not a pet anymore either

But that’s okay

I have to put being a cat

Before being your cat

But you know what?

I’ll leave that dead mouse behind

That way you have something

To take pictures of