Inspired by an episode of RadioLab
BLUE: How long before they hatched?
BELLA: I think it was five years.
BLUE: Five?
BELLA: Maybe a little more than five.
BELLA: Maybe a little more than five.
BLUE: You sat on those eggs for FIVE years?
BELLA: Maybe a little more.
BLUE: How did you do that?
BELLA: I just tried to get in a comfortable position. Four of my arms fell asleep, but other than that, it wasn't so bad.
BELLA: I just tried to get in a comfortable position. Four of my arms fell asleep, but other than that, it wasn't so bad.
BLUE: Five years.
BELLA: At one point, some crabs tried to eat me.
BLUE: What did you do?
BELLA: I ate them instead.
BELLA: I ate them instead.
BLUE: My god.
BELLA: I was actually thrilled they were stupid enough to attack me. I was starving.
BLUE: You must have been so weak.
BELLA: Oh, I was practically dead. I think I was translucent.
BLUE: Did you ever think about...not having eggs?
BELLA: Well, what else is there to do?
BELLA: Well, what else is there to do?
BLUE: It's not like we're endangered.
BELLA: Maybe not, but we can't just stop having eggs because we don't feel like sitting on them for five years.
BLUE: That seems like a...great reason to stop having eggs.
BELLA: Blue, I don't want to be the reason there are no more octopuses.
BLUE: Bella, if god made it that difficult for us to exist, I'm not we're meant to.
BELLA: You're making such a thing about it. The five years went by in no time.
BLUE: Really?
BELLA: No, but the thing about being done with something is that you immediately start to forget how much time you spent on it. The important thing is just to finish.
BELLA: No, but the thing about being done with something is that you immediately start to forget how much time you spent on it. The important thing is just to finish.
BLUE: I guess.
BELLA: Plus, I didn't know it would take five years for them to hatch. Had I known, I might have been 'Nooooooooooooooo' hahahaha...But I didn't know, so.
BLUE: Well, I'm not going to have eggs.
BELLA: But...you have to.
BLUE: Bella, you just gave birth to what I'm assuming was a fine litter of octopuses. I don't need to add more of us into the ocean at the moment.
BELLA: What are you going to do instead?
BLUE: Instead of sitting in one place for five years trying not to die so my children can suck the warmth out of me? Gee, I don't know--ANYTHING else?
BELLA: But we all do it.
BLUE: Instead of sitting in one place for five years trying not to die so my children can suck the warmth out of me? Gee, I don't know--ANYTHING else?
BELLA: But we all do it.
BLUE: That's not a reason to do something. Especially not something this intense.
BELLA: But if you're not going to do it, then why did I do it?
BLUE: I don't know. Why DID you do it?
BELLA: I DON'T KNOW!
BLUE: Not that you shouldn't be proud of yourself.
BELLA: I murdered seventy-eight crabs.
BLUE: You could also be proud of that.
BELLA: I'm a murderer!
BLUE: Maybe not when you put it that way.
BELLA: I didn't even get to talk to the kids. Technically I'm supposed to die after they're done hatching, but I kind of...snuck away.
BLUE: You abandoned them?
BELLA: They ran!
BLUE: They ran?
BELLA: Well, they can't really...run. They have those little legs. They sort of slither. They slithered away from me.
BELLA: Well, they can't really...run. They have those little legs. They sort of slither. They slithered away from me.
BLUE: Are they okay?
BELLA: I...think so? It's not like I ever knew my parents. Did you know yours?
BLUE: I was adopted by lobsters.
BELLA: I...think so? It's not like I ever knew my parents. Did you know yours?
BLUE: I was adopted by lobsters.
BELLA: Really?
BLUE: They were great. I mean, my mom was, my dad and I have a whole...yeah.
BLUE: They were great. I mean, my mom was, my dad and I have a whole...yeah.
BELLA: Do you think you're a better octopus because you had them in your life?
BLUE: I think that...I'm good at thinking for myself.
BLUE: I think that...I'm good at thinking for myself.
BELLA: What does that mean?
BLUE: Um, okay, well, uh--Tell me to have kids.
BLUE: Um, okay, well, uh--Tell me to have kids.
BELLA: You need to have kids.
BLUE: No.
BELLA: Wow!
BLUE: Right?
BELLA: You said that with such confidence.
BELLA: You said that with such confidence.
BLUE: And I didn't even have to think about it.
BELLA: You just spit it right out.
BLUE: I know.
BELLA: Murder some crabs!
BLUE: I don't want to.
BELLA: Blue, I am...so impressed.
BLUE: You can be the same way, Bella. Like, maybe--don't have any more eggs.
BELLA: I don't know. Mating season is supposed to start tomorrow.
BLUE: So don't mate. Or--mate, but do that thing with your fifth arm so nothing...gets out of hand.
BELLA: You do the fifth arm move?
BLUE: I do the fifth arm move all the time.
BLUE: I do the fifth arm move all the time.
BELLA: Doesn't the male octopus notice?
BLUE: No, he's too busy floating away at that point.
BLUE: No, he's too busy floating away at that point.
BELLA: You're so smart, Blue. I wish I had been raised by lobsters.
BLUE: Maybe you could adopt a jellyfish or something and teach it to think for itself.
BELLA: Blue, don't be crazy, jellyfish are despicable. That's like asking me to raise an oil spill.
BLUE: Then just find meaning in being you and being the best you that you can be.
BELLA: How do I do that?
BLUE: Make choices you feel good about.
BLUE: Make choices you feel good about.
BELLA: Like going to live in that shipwreck we passed by earlier?
BLUE: If that's what you want.
BLUE: If that's what you want.
BELLA: That IS what I want.
BLUE: Then do it!
BELLA: I will!
BLUE: Great!
(A beat.)
Do you think I should try to find my kids first?
BELLA: I think you need to find yourself first.
BELLA: I think you need to find yourself first.
(BLUE gasps.)
BLUE: Why couldn't I have met you six years ago?
BELLA: You mean five years ago?
BLUE: Well, no, you spend a year being pregnant before you lay the--
BELLA: You mean five years ago?
BLUE: Well, no, you spend a year being pregnant before you lay the--
BELLA: SIX YEARS?
End of Play
End of Play
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