So here’s the deal--
No one can know
That you saved the world
I know that sounds, like,
Strange
But, see
Every time we tell people
Who the heroes are
We end up with, like,
Dead heroes
Because, um, the villains
Are getting, like,
Way better
At figuring out how to, you know
Kill them
So, you’re going to wear
The outfit
And the cape
And, um, you will be
One of the caped heroes?
But we also need you
To just, like,
Keep all of it
To yourself
Like all of the world saving
No sidekicks
No mentors
No helpers
Just you saving the world
And not getting any credit for--
Yeah, see
That’s become an issue
For some reason
Lately
And we don’t, like
Really know why?
I mean, we know why
It’s not very popular now
To um, you know,
Do something nice
And NOT talk about it
But, um, it’s really crucial
For you to be discrete
About every awesome thing you do
Because otherwise
The villains will NOT have a hard time
Finding you, and, um, killing you, so--
I know, I know
But we really need you
To try and stay
As private as possible
And not, you know,
Take any photos
With the mask off
Or say things like--
‘Hey guys, that was me
Who saved the world just now’
No, no, to be clear
You canNOT just tell
The people on your
Close friends list
Nobody
Nobody at all
Right, well,
The point is
That you’re saving
The WORLD
Like, humanity
Like, the human race
I know, I’m not really sure
Why you would
Wanna do that either
But it’s just something
We do
We, meaning, you know
Decent people
We do things
And they’re good
And we don’t say anything
When we do them
And that’s what makes us
Good people
Okay, well, yes
Think about it
By all means
Just, if you could,
Kind of decide quickly
That would be great
Because that giant ant
Is shooting lasers
At the city right now
And we could really use a--
No, no pictures
Of you doing
With a caption
Hinting that it’s you
I know, I know
It’s a lot
To ask of you
I mean, saving the world
Is one thing
But not talking about it?
That’s the tough part
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