When the AC Breaks

 When the AC breaks

I crawl into the tub

With a bucket of ice

From the machine
Down the hall

I look up the number

To the hotel

On my cell phone

And call the number

From the tub

Where I proceed to get

The customer service line

And I have to call

Another number

To get the actual front desk

To tell them

That the AC is broken

The man at the front desk

Informs you

That your AC could not possibly

Be broken

Because they just fixed it

The other day

Which, to you, is an admission

That the AC could be broken again

Since things that break

Often break shortly after

They’re fixed

The man at the front desk

Offers to come to your room

To see if it’s warm or cool

And you tell him that’s fine

And then you realize

That means you’ll have to leave

Your ice tub

And put on clothes

And let him in

So instead

You go to the door

Unlock it

Prop it open

Using the coffee pot

Go back to the bathroom

Get back in the tub

And never put any clothes on

Because you simply can’t

Bring yourself to do so

Until the air is back on

When the man arrives

You hear him enter the room

In a sort of confused way

But he’ll figure it out

He seemed smart over the phone

Aside from him doubting

That you don’t know the difference

Between a room with AC

And a room without it

Then you hear a knock on the door

And the man asks

If you’re alive

You tell him you’re alive

But you’re naked

And you’re also warm

So can he please

Get the AC fixed

So you can get out of the tub

He asks if you’ve fallen

And that’s why you can’t get out

And you tell him that you haven’t fallen

It’s just that you filled the tub with ice

Because you were so warm

And he offers to go get you more ice

And you tell him you don’t need more ice

You just need the AC fixed

And he tells you

That the AC seems to be alright

You know that can’t be true

And so you ask him

To look at the temperature

But he tells you

That there’s no thermometer

In the room

So you tell him to go find one

And take the temperature of the room

So he can see that it’s far too hot

He tells you it seems to be at sixty-five degrees

And you use a curse word

To stress the point

That it cannot POSSIBLY be sixty-five degrees

The man from the front desk leaves

And a minute later

Someone comes in

You’re not sure who

But they stand outside the bathroom door

And ask you if you know

Your door was wide open

And your AC seems to be broken

You’re so relieved to have someone agree with you

That you’re not even mad they just wandered into your room

Instead of minding their own business

That person leaves

And the man from the front desk comes back

With a thermometer

And slides it under the door

To show you that the room registers

At sixty-seven degrees

Which isn’t sixty-five

But is still inaccurate

Since it is so much warmer than that

And you believe the thermometer

Has been tampered with

But you can’t prove that

So you just thank the man from the front desk
And ask him to leave

When you sit in the tub

The ice melting around you

You wonder why you didn’t stay

With your brother

Who offered you his guest room

But whose children

All scream at the top of their lungs

At six am

Every morning

And you decide that the heat

Of a Hilton

With a broken AC

Is still better

Than the screaming of children

At an hour of the day

You rarely see

When you’re at home

Your brother’s birthday is tomorrow

You will stay in the tub until then

The tub is cool

Even without the ice

You can be happy here

And then at the last minute

You will hop out

Throw on a sundress

And head to your brother’s house

Down a rustic rural road

That leads to a house

That sits on a lake

That everybody thinks is beautiful

And that you find to be

Isolated and depressing

You’ll sweat the entire time

Because it’ll be far too hot out

To have an outdoor birthday party

But you’ll be the only one

Because you’re one of those people

Whose body temperatures is always

Twenty degrees hotter

Than anybody else’s

And for some reason

You never run into anyone else

Like that

Except for the one time

At that baby shower

Where you sat next to

The pregnant woman’s sister

And she was fanning herself

And you were fanning yourself

And you’ve never known an instant connection like that

With anybody else

You exchanged email addresses

To become best friends

And then she moved to Tacoma

That’s how it goes

You sit in the tub

And outside

You hear something kick

You hear something fall

You hear something drop

And suddenly

You hear the sound

Of cool air

Bursting into the hotel room

You couldn’t afford

But by then

You’re in the tub

You’ve made an agreement

With the tub

A commitment

And there’s simply

No getting out

Now