Saturday, September 5, 2020

A Boring Husband

 I guess I could have had

A boring husband


I’m sure many women

With boring husbands

Lead lives

That they find

They can stand

Without any trouble


I knew I couldn’t


I can’t stand much

To be honest with you


My patience is not ornate


It…


Some say comfort

Is really just happiness

After we forget

What unhappiness

Feels like


After we’re far enough

Away from it


I could never get that far

From unhappiness


But I would think about

Long nights in emergency rooms

Calling out sick the next day

Sitting on the couch

Watching insipid television

And even though all of it

While I was living it

Was...unbearable


Once I was out of it

I looked back at it

And I would get a rush


As I was slicing up bread

That I’d made myself


As I was watering plants

That I’d taken

Such good care of


As I was making plans

To meet a friend

For a lovely lunch


And all the while
I wanted to scream

Because I missed

Living like someone

On the tip of the world


How can you ask me

To live through war

And then value

Civilian life

When my body

Has grown addicted

To the sirens?


I went out and found

Another man

Like the one
I swore

I would never

Go anywhere near again


And as if the forces

That put us near each other

Knew what I was doing

It kept shoving all these…


Boring men

Towards me


With their straight smiles

And their straight stories

And their licorice personalities


And I kept sending them back

Where they came from

Until I found a man

I knew

Would never bore me


Would never keep me safe

Would never tell me the truth

Would never let me have one day

Where I wasn’t wondering

When the switch would flip

And the lights would go out


But I’d never be bored


When I was little

I wanted to be Indiana Jones


I wanted to be

Roy Schneider on the boat

Trying not to get eaten by Jaws


I wanted everything

To be an adventure

Because it looked like

Somewhere in the adventure

There was a happiness

That was different

From all other kinds

Of happiness


And I wanted to know

What the felt like


But I never did


Because they don’t tell you

That happiness doesn’t come

With a rush


It comes with a sound sleep

And a kind hand


It comes

And you

Refuse it


It comes

And you send it

Back

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