Got 'Til It's Gone

I had a dream

That the house was empty

I walked

From room to room

And everything was there

But what wasn’t

Has a place ever seemed

So different to you

That you touched

Things you’ve never touched before

The doorknobs

The walls

The top of the fridge

You want to know

How a place that always

Felt one way

Could suddenly

Abruptly

Feel so different

And you know

Something must be missing

But you can’t find it

The missing thing

You can’t find

Where it used to be

You’re looking

For an absence

And it doesn’t escape you

How strange that seems

To look for a spot

Where something you never noticed

Used to sit

Asking

To be noticed

Do you sit on the bed?

Do you turn on the stove

And try to cook?

Do you even

Feel hungry?

Outside, it’s getting darker

Earlier now

You want to be a person

Who enjoys the night

And you used to be

Until the night didn’t offer you

Anywhere to go

Or anyone new to be

You’re thinking of getting

Those dark, dark curtains

That’ll block out light

So that evening

Will be no different

Than the morning

You want time to lose

What little bit

Of meaning

It has left

You think of how long

You could last

If you stopped

Showing up for work

Stopped agreeing

To attend functions

To go to dinners

To shop for anything

Other than essentials

The other day

You were at the mall

And you sat in your car

In the part of the parking lot

That never seems

To have cars in it

Unless you’re looking

To sell drugs or make out

You sat in your car

And thought about communities

The people who go to work

At stores next to each other

And whether they talk

Or pass each other

And make small talk

Or offer to get drinks

After their shift

You thought about

How a relationship

Is its own community

Everyone has a job

Everyone has responsibility

Everyone has something

They know they have to do

If they don’t want it

To dissolve

But what a great weight

To put on two people

Loving each other

To create an ecosystem

That exists under a blanket

Every night

And shifts imperceptibly

With each passing second

When the shift

Creates a schism

Is that break

The absence

You were looking for?

But that means

Nothing is gone

It means

Something new

Has been created

And nobody

Could live

With it