(HELEN speaks to little MICHELLE, who is in bed holding a creepy looking doll.)
HELEN: Michelle, I believe you.
MICHELLE: You do?
HELEN: Yes.
MICHELLE: So...you think a demon really is possessing my doll?
HELEN: I do.
MICHELLE: You believe that she's the reason all the windows are always open?
HELEN: I do.
MICHELLE: And the reason the dog ran away?
HELEN: I do.
MICHELLE: And the reason it's always so cold in here?
HELEN: Well, your father refuses to turn on the heat before December, so I think that might have more to do with it, but otherwise, yes, I'm sure the doll could be partly to blame since it keeps opening all the windows.
MICHELLE: I thought I was going to have to really convince you.
HELEN: Sweetie, there are a million movies about haunted dolls. Why would they make that many movies about something that doesn't exist?
MICHELLE: But that doesn't mean you would believe this specific doll is haunted.
HELEN: I mean, we bought it from a Romanian woman on the side of the road who told us that if we brought it home, death would come to our house.
MICHELLE: Then why did you do it?
HELEN: Because it's so cute! And you love dolls. And I'm not that superstitious.
MICHELLE: But you believe me?
HELEN: Michelle, of course I believe you. I'm your mother. If you tell me anything, I am going to believe you.
MICHELLE: But you didn't believe me when I told you I hate karate.
HELEN: It's not that I didn't believe you, it's that we had already paid for the class and there was no refund, so--It's more like a 'I believe you, but use this as a chance for growth' moment.
MICHELLE: But the doll--
HELEN: The doll--if it's haunted--is worth way more if it's haunted, so you see--chance for growth. And profit. Which is a form of growth.
MICHELLE: So I can't keep it?
HELEN: You can keep it--in your heart.
MICHELLE: What does that mean?
HELEN: You know how we don't let you see Grandma anymore because she won't loan us anymore money?
MICHELLE: Yes.
HELEN: But you keep her in your heart.
MICHELLE: So I can't see the doll anymore?
HELEN: Michelle, why would you want to see a haunted doll? Aren't you scared of it?
MICHELLE: Not really. I think it's kind of cool.
HELEN: It's cool until she murders someone.
MICHELLE: You think she'd do that?
HELEN: Of course she would! Sweetie, are we not letting you watch enough rated-R movies?
MICHELLE: No.
HELEN: I mean, I still want you to avoid the sexy ones, but the violent ones are very informative.
MICHELLE: I don't know.
HELEN: What don't you know?
MICHELLE: Maybe this is all just in my head.
HELEN: It is not! That doll is haunted.
MICHELLE: But so many of the things I've been scared of turned out not to be real.
HELEN: Like what?
MICHELLE: The monster in my closet?
HELEN: It could have jumped out the window when you ran to get me and Daddy.
MICHELLE: The murderer under my bed?
HELEN: When I checked, I thought I saw something, but I was tired so I just said there was nothing there, but thinking back, I can't be sure.
MICHELLE: The Tooth Fairy?
HELEN: Why were you scared of the Tooth Fairy again?
MICHELLE: She collects teeth. It's weird.
HELEN: Michelle, if you let me tell people the doll is haunted and you back me up, like a good daughter, we might be able to go to DisneyWorld.
MICHELLE: I don't like DisneyWorld. I'd rather keep the haunted doll.
HELEN: What if she tries to strangle you in your sleep?
MICHELLE: I'm her owner. Why should we want to hurt me? Isn't it more likely she would try to strangle you and Daddy in your sleep?
HELEN: And you wouldn't want that, would you?
MICHELLE: Well...Then I could go live with Grandma, and she's rich, so--
HELEN: Give me the doll.
MICHELLE: No.
HELEN: Michelle, you cannot keep a haunted doll.
MICHELLE: It's not haunted. I don't know what you're talking about. You sound very disturbed, Mother.
HELEN: You told me it spoke to you!
MICHELLE: Lots of dolls talk when you pull their string.
HELEN: You said it spoke Aramaic!
MICHELLE: So it's an educational doll. All the more reason to keep it.
HELEN: You said you levitated the other night while you were holding it.
MICHELLE: I must have an active imagination.
HELEN: You have NO imagination! You are the most boring child I--
MICHELLE: Careful, Mother. You're making her mad.
(A beat.)
HELEN: All right. Never mind. Keep the doll. I'm sure it'll never...go missing.
MICHELLE: I hope not. If I know my Aramaic, I'd say she's very fond of me. I doubt she'd like to be separated from me.
HELEN: Fine. But see if you get any money for those loose molars of yours.
(HELEN exits. THUNDER. The room turns RED.)
MICHELLE: Eh. Still not as scary as the Tooth Fairy.
End of Play
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