Where We Are on the Pandemic

      (BRIAN, BRIANNA, DANNY and DIANA are all meeting online.)

BRIAN:  So how does everybody feel about...getting together next week?

DANNY:  Well, what does 'getting together' mean?

BRIANNA:  Will we be outside?

BRIAN:  We can be outside.

DIANA:  I heard indoors was okay if we're all wearing masks.

BRIAN:  So maybe indoors?

DANNY:  Are you insane?

BRIAN:  Maybe not indoors.

DIANA:  I mean, it's getting cold, Brian. We can't stay outside forever.

BRIAN:  Right, so we can stay in...our houses.

BRIANNA:  I'm only allowing myself a few places.

BRIAN:  That you're willing to go?

BRIANNA:  Inside my house, yes. Bedroom, bathroom, and dining room.

DIANA:  Not the kitchen?

BRIANNA:  The kitchen is such a mess. Who wants to go in there anyway?

DANNY:  You take your life in your hands when you go into your kitchen not wearing a mask.

DIANA:  Who's not wearing a mask?

DANNY:  You're not wearing a mask right now.

DIANA:  Nobody's here. I'm in my crying room.

BRIAN:  You have a room just for crying?

DIANA:  It used to be my home office, but now that I'm unemployed, I just come in here to read the news on Twitter and cry.

DANNY:  What are you using to wipe up your tears?  Better not be Kleenex.

BRIANNA:  What's wrong with Kleenex?

DANNY:  I can't believe you're even asking me that.

BRIAN:  So we don't want to get together?

DIANA:  I have to get together. It is killing my mental health to be this isolated.

DANNY:  Diana, in January you were posting a meme everyday about hating people.

DIANA:  Right, but I need the option to see people. Without the option, my mental health goes right to hell.

BRIANNA:  Okay, but you talking about seeing people is having a negative reaction on my mental health.

DANNY:  I still don't understand why nobody is wearing a mask.

BRIAN:  It's going to be really nice next week. I'm sure outdoors, socially distanced--

DIANA:  Sounds like it could be fun.

BRIANNA:  Yeah, what's more fun than hanging out with friends, dressed like ninjas, and not going near anyone you love. Can't wait.

BRIAN:  We could all just go for a walk.

DANNY:  You're comfortable with walking?

BRIAN:  Should I not be comfortable with walking?

BRIANNA:  I'm not comfortable with walking.

DIANA:  Is it dangerous?

BRIANNA:  No, I just hate exercising.

DIANA:  I'm uncomfortable with exercising.

BRIAN:  Is that the same thing as hating it?

DANNY:  Can we all just stop doing everything?  I really just want everyone to stop doing everything.

DIANA:  But we have to do some...things, right?

DANNY:  We can do that after there's a vaccine.

BRIANNA:  Are we comfortable that the vaccine is going to be safe?

BRIAN:  Oh god, Brianna.

BRIANNA:  Not--I don't mean it that way.  I mean it like--there are political implications here.

DIANA:  So we shouldn't take it?

BRIANNA:  No, we should take a vaccine that doesn't have political implications are it.

BRIAN:  Are we actually going to get one of those?

DANNY:  We just need a green light to do things.

BRIAN:  I don't think we're getting a green light.

DIANA:  They have to give us a green light eventually.

BRIAN:  They gave us guidelines.

DIANA:  The guidelines are nuts though.

BRIANNA:  When are they taking away the guidelines?

BRIAN:  Again, I think at some point, we're going to have to use good judgment.

     (Silence.)

BRIAN/BRIANNA/DANNY/DIANA:  Okay well I'll see you guys never then./We're screwed./This is never going to end./Yikes.

     End of Play