My Father Won’t Drive Over the Bridge

 My father won’t

Drive over

The bridge

My father says

He saw something once

In a dream

That looked like a bridge

And it was falling

Cars in the water

Waves from where

The vehicles dropped

And hit

And sunk

Two places that were connected

Distant again

Like from times before

My father said you get lucky

You get lucky and that’s why

You’re not there

When a bridge breaks

Or a plane falls

Or a man somewhere

Takes out

A gun

It’s just luck

And you can’t get luck

But the good news

Is you can’t lose it either

You have it

And you don’t have it

And you never know

Which it is

Until you’re either

Happy

Or heading

For the water

My father knew that

But it didn’t mean

He could accept it

He couldn’t let life

Take its chances

With him

And it only got worse

When he had me

And my sister

Leaving us up to chance

Was unthinkable

And so we never went over bridges

And we never got on planes

And wherever we went

He would say--

‘Where’s the door? Stay by the door?’

Anything sent us

To the doctor

A cough

A bump

A rash

Nothing was ever given time

To go away or heal

We were not allowed to roughhouse

Or go outside by ourselves

Or even walk to the bus stop

And when I started to drive

My father begged me

Never to go over a bridge

He had that dream

When he was a child

And the same way

You dream something

So wonderful

You want to run to it

And you start running

And you never stop

You can dream something

That rattles you so greatly

You start running the other direction

And no matter how far you get

The breath stays on your neck

The sound of it

Like breaking water

Leaves itself

In your aural path

I was twenty-four

The first time I ever

Drove over a bridge

On a road trip

To the home

Of the woman I loved

We approached

This thing of beam and bolts

And she told me

The only way to her island home

Was over this bridge

This forceful authority

And so what could I do?

I was going to ask

Her father

For her hand in marriage

Because that was important to her

Because she was what we’d call

Old-fashioned

And she would not stand

For weakness in a man

I drove over the bridge

Holding my breath

The whole time

The sound of my father’s heartbeat

Coming up through my own

The water below me

Went blind to me

As I stared straight ahead

To where I was going

To wherever

I could

Go