Rip Van Winkle Catches Up

...So I wake up under the tree

And I’m like--

Whoaaaaa

I mean, I thought maybe

I had slept for, like,

I don’t know

A couple of hours?

A few hours

A couple

Annnnnnnd

I get up

And I go walking around

Stretch the limbs, you know?

And, not right away, buuuuuut

I would say, you know,

About a mile back

On the way to my house

And, um, first thing is

I had been sleeping for, you know

A good hundred years or so

And, um, so clearly

Things were, uh, a little different

The town square

Where we would usually

Burn the witches

Was long gone

And, uh, when I saw

The place where it used to happen

All gone, I was like--

Wow, the witches

Must be running wild

Around here now

Then I get to a bar

Not my usual

This was a different bar

Because my old bar

Was turned into a, uh--

A bed and breakfast

Which--

I’m fine with

You know

I love beds

I love breakfast

But, uh, had to find a new bar

And that was when I knew

That something was up

But, you know,

My buds used to love

To play jokes one

So I was like--

Maybe they tore down

The entire village

And built a newer, bigger one

Just to mess with me, you know?

I mean, if you knew Skippy

Back in the day

You know, before he died

And, uh, his kids died

And, uh, well it’s been a hundred years

So even his grandkids

Are, you know, they’re up there

They’re certainly, you know, up there

But back when Skippy was around

He used to play the craaaaaziest jokes

But I’m at this new bar

Talking to people

Finding out that, wow,

I’ve been asleep for awhile

Probably because I ate some bread

And had, you know, a sip of wine

And that just--Boop--conked me

Right out

So, like…

What’s been going on?

No more witch-burning

I mean--I don’t agree

But, you know, if that’s

Where we’re at

Thennnnn

That’s cool

What else is going on?

Do we still get those sweet dowries

When we marry the shepherd girls

From that village over the hill?

We went to WAR with them?

Aw, but they were such

A nice village

I mean, yeah,

They would always

Set fire to the farms

On the border

But, you know, you overlook that stuff

So you can get along with your neighbors

It just feels like

None of you have any patience anymore

Or, like, you know

Courtesy

Do you still remember

To thank the butcher

When he agrees to massacre

Your enemies

In the dead of night?

Wow, so much is changing

Part of me wishes

I had woken up

A little sooner

But, I gotta be honest--

I have never felt

So well-rested

I mean, is a hundred years

Too long?

Mayyyyyybe

But man

Do I feel good