Clear for Take Off

I stabbed the man next to me
Which was, unfortunate
But unfortunately necessary

He mentioned something
Something subversive
And I panicked

So I stabbed him
Then I relaxed
The stewardess brought me a drink
I watched one of the in-flight movies

'Lethal Weapon 3' -- I think

I'm really not sure
Why I'm even being questioned about this

The man was making me nervous
He mentioned something subversive
He said he didn't like flying
And I detected a sort of ominous tone

After all, why wouldn't he like flying?
What's wrong with flying?

It's perfectly safe
Provided you don't get stabbed to death
By the person sitting next to you

But if you don't say subversive things
Then you won't

There's a very clear set of rules in place here
I don't know why people don't want to follow them
These rules

You know, I fly a lot
More than I'd like to
Because, honestly
I'm not a big fan of it either
But I wouldn't go around saying that
To whomever might be sitting next to me on a plane
Because I wouldn't want to make them nervous

When you make people nervous
They do--By the way, could I have a glass of champagne?
I'm really very parched
And also on edge
And I swear I can still see little specks of blood
Underneath my fingernails

So do you have anything you could give me?

Champagne, a Xanax, maybe something to just--pop--knock me right out?

As if flying isn't stressful enough
Without having to add
Homicide to the whole thing

Anyway, he unnerved me
So I stabbed him
With this pen
Not like I carry a knife around with me
Wherever I go

I'm not some sort of wacko

I just...

You know, we have rights

After everything that's happened
We the right
To travel
And live
Or, you know
Do whatever
And not be upset the whole time

And this man was upsetting me
So I took care of it

That was all I did

I took care of it

One-two-three

He barely even felt it
Once I punctured his heart
I'm sure
I mean, I'm not a doctor, am I?

Maybe if you provided better security on these planes
It wouldn't have needed to happen
But as it was
I had to take matters into my own hands
And so now here we are, aren't we?

Yes

Here we are

Do you think I'll make my connecting flight, by the way?

I really hate getting delayed by things like this
So I was just wondering

I mean, isn't the issue sort of moot at this point anyway?
Isn't he dead?

I mean, he is dead, right?

God knows I stabbed him enough times

But after that he was very quiet
And the flight was very enjoyable

And I hadn't planned on asking for a refund
But now...

Well, with all this...detainment

I may just have to file
A formal complaint

God, when did traveling
Become so difficult?