Suggestions for the End of the World

Carly, I'm not sure how to say this

I realize things are a little...

...unconventional right now

What with the zombies and the...vampire-like creatures
Eating everybody
But--

It is important
I feel
For the, you know
Normalcy of everything
That some things
Don't change

For instance--monogamy

I don't think that should change

I think all monogamous relationships
Should stay pretty much as they are

Relationships, marriages
Even relatively new marriages
That were created, or what have you
Right before the quasi-Apocalpyse

I think we need to honor
Alllllllll those unions
In order to, you know
Keep firm the fabric of society

Uh, so, as far as you creeping into my husband's sleeping bag at night
And begging him to make love to you
So that you can produce more life
Well--

Though I admire your spirit
And your willingness
To single-handedly repopulate the planet
Uh...right now, I think we're still good
As far as, you know, people go

I mean, there are still quite a few of us
So I don't think we need to worry
About repopulation
Just yet

And, when we do
There are still plenty of non-married men
Who I'm sure would be happy
To supply you with the sperm
You're looking for

I don't think we need to just throw caution to the wind
And start humping every man we see

That just doesn't seem...

Wise

Particularly because
Even in this sort of new world order
Where so much has been broken down
And rules and civility have been shaken up

Some of us have still retained primal and also societal urges
To rip the face off any tramp
Who tries to sleep with our husbands

Sooo...

Just keep that in mind

Oh, and also
The next time you try to seduce someone's husband
By sneaking in their sleeping bag with them

You may want to make sure
Their wife isn't on the other side of them
Listening as you talk about how the world ending
Has intensified your libido

Again, these are just suggestions
Just simple things I think we could all do
To improve the life we have left
Here on Earth

You have a great day, Carly

Oh, and by the way
I may or may not have been the one
Who stabbed you with that syringe I found on the ground
Near the headless corpse
The dogs were eating

I apologize for that
My emotions overtook me

And if you notice a fever overtaking you anytime soon
I'd let somebody know

See you around!