The Teddy Bear's Big Plans

I was going to go with the little boy
With the overalls on
But his hair...

I mean...

Did you see that hair?

There were major issues
And frankly
And I say this realizing
That a four-year-old's hair is not his fault, but--

Frankly, I would question the ability of a boy with hair like that
To care for even a non-living thing
Such as myself

I mean, if I had actual fur
Like, actual fur that could grow back
In the event of an emergency
I'd say 'Oh sure, fine!  Just give me to anybody
Give me to that kid who clearly plays with matches
And laughs every time a kitten gets hurt'

But--my fur isn't exactly real
So I sort of have to be a little more protective
When it comes to--

Do you see what I'm getting at here?

Now, there was this little girl the other day
But she sneezed a lot
I mean, a lot
And yes, technically, I can't get sick
But still--I can't have germs crawling all over me either
Because then when the little girl grows up
And it's time for me to be passed onto another child
Who'll want me?

You always need to be looking ahead

Everything is temporary
Even ownership

I always plan for the worst
The worst being a yard sale
In July
Where some fat sweaty woman
Haggles over how much you're worth
While her demented toddler lays chained in his stroller
And looks at you
Like you're a deep-fried pork chop

That's the future I plan for
Grim though it may seem

But for now, I'm new
I'm fresh
I'm retail-friendly

So, for now, I'm picky
Because--if I play my cards right
I could wind up becoming that beautiful word
An 'heirloom'

Spending the rest of my life
In a nursery somewhere
Untouched by everyone
After my first child grows up

A family heirloom

Never to be played with again

Doesn't that sound wonderful?

Like a dream come true