We Might Be Heroes: All of Me

(BRIANNA and CHRIS are at a bus station.)

CHRIS:  So you talked to him?

BRIANNA:  Yes.

CHRIS:  Was he…nice?

BRIANNA:  What do you think, Chris?

CHRIS:  I think I told you not to talk to him.

BRIANNA:  I had to.

CHRIS:  Why?

BRIANNA:  Because there are things you’re not telling me.

CHRIS:  Like what?

BRIANNA:  Like…Let’s not do this.  You have a bus to catch.

CHRIS:  Brianna, did he say something that—

BRIANNA:  He said you don’t want to go.

CHRIS:  Oh, is that a big secret?

BRIANNA:  It was to me.

CHRIS:  You know I don’t want to do this.

BRIANNA:  Then why are you doing it?

CHRIS:  Because if I don’t turn myself in, and they find out—

BRIANNA:  You’re not compelled to—

CHRIS:  Come on, Bri, the writing’s on the wall here—

BRIANNA:  It’s voluntary, Chris.

CHRIS:  Yeah, until it isn’t.  Until aliens are raining fire down upon us.

BRIANNA:  I think you’re going because of him.

CHRIS:  You’re talking about him like he’s a totally different person.

BRIANNA:  Well, isn’t he?

CHRIS:  No.  He’s just…another side of me.  A bigger, scarier, some might say sexier side of—

BRIANNA:  Did he say something to me?

CHRIS:  What?

BRIANNA:  About when he and I talked.  Did he say anything?

CHRIS:  He can’t say things to me, Brianna.  We share the same brain.  Whatever he knows, I know.

BRIANNA:  Then why don’t you know what he and I talked about?

CHRIS:  Not everything is shared.

BRIANNA:  Who decides on what to share?

CHRIS:  This is not a healthy conversation.

BRIANNA:  Fine.  Forget it.

CHRIS:  Are you worried about something?

BRIANNA:  You mean aside from the fact that my boyfriend is signing up to go fight an intergalactic war?

CHRIS:  Don’t evade.

BRIANNA:  We…something happened.

CHRIS:  Okay…

BRIANNA:  Between me and…him.

CHRIS:  Uh—

BRIANNA:  I mean, you and I.  Because you’re the same person, right?

CHRIS:  Well—not technically.

BRIANNA:  You just said—

CHRIS:  What did you do?

BRIANNA:  What do you mean what did I do?  What about what he did?

CHRIS:  What did he do?

BRIANNA:  He…was very…charming.

CHRIS:  Charming?  He’s twelve feet tall and the only word he knows is ‘Smash.’

BRIANNA:  We spoke with our bodies.

CHRIS:  And what did your body say to his body?

BRIANNA:  …Yes?

CHRIS:  Yes to what?

BRIANNA:  Chris, he’s you.

CHRIS:  Except he’s not me.  He just…uses my body, and then tosses me aside like I’m nothing.

BRIANNA:  Oh, trust me, I know the feeling.

CHRIS:  I’m going to kill him!

BRIANNA:  How?

CHRIS:  I don’t know!

BRIANNA:  It was only one time.

CHRIS:  I didn’t even think he was interested in…that sort of thing.

BRIANNA:  Oh, he was interested.

CHRIS:  At any point, were you concerned about me?

BRIANNA:  I thought you’d be happy that he and I were getting along.

CHRIS:  You know what I’m going to do?  I’m going to wait until I turn into him, stand right in front of those alien lasers, and let them blow me away.

BRIANNA:  But you could end up dead too.

CHRIS:  Probably.

BRIANNA:  You’re overreacting.

CHRIS:  How would you like it if I…interacted—with your alter ego.

BRIANNA:  You mean Katrina?

CHRIS:  You named her?

BRIANNA:  Just, you know, in my mind.

CHRIS:  Well, just so you know, she is very, very sexy and I’ve never even talked to her.

BRIANNA:  Well, your big buddy talked to her.

CHRIS:  What the hell does that mean?

BRIANNA:  Well…Katrina wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

CHRIS:  He got Katrina too?!?!?

BRIANNA:  You’re taking this way too personally.

CHRIS:  That’s it.  Take her out.

BRIANNA:  Take who out?

CHRIS:  Katrina.

BRIANNA:  Why?

CHRIS:  So we can make out.

BRIANNA:  Chris, we’re at a bus station.

CHRIS:  So?

BRIANNA:  So do you really need to prove something here and—

CHRIS:  He gets everything.  He gets you, he gets Katrina, he gets to be a hero.  What am I going to get?  Killed.  That’s it.  And when all is said and done, I’m sure his picture will be on the news and I’ll just be the guy who was renting him a room in the meantime.

BRIANNA:  He’s not a hero, Chris.  You’re the hero.

CHRIS:  You think so, but—

BRIANNA:  But what?

CHRIS:  Kids don’t go dressed as Clark Kent for Halloween.

BRIANNA:  Actually, I always thought Clark Kent was kind of cute.

CHRIS:  Really?

BRIANNA:  Yeah.

(A beat.)

BRIANNA:  I mean, not as cute as Superman, but—

CHRIS:  You’re awful.

BRIANNA:  I know.  But you love me?

CHRIS:  Yes.

BRIANNA:  All of me?

CHRIS:  Yes.

BRIANNA:  And I love all of you.

CHRIS:  I know.  That’s the problem.

                (Lights.)