Monday, June 15, 2015

We Might Be Heroes: The Bench

               (CASSIE is sitting in a room.  DAVID enters.)

DAVID:  Jesus Christ, Stevens.

CASSIE:  You’re not taking me out now.  I have been prepping for this—

DAVID:  You know what this is about.

CASSIE:  We are looking at a possible planetary assault, and you want to bench me now?

DAVID:  I have no choice.  You can’t be in the field.

CASSIE:  This is bullshit.

DAVID:  Do you plan on doing anything about--?

                (A beat.)

CASSIE:  Are you kidding me?

DAVID:  Lower your voice.

CASSIE:  Are you KIDDING me?

DAVID:  I said ‘Lower your voice,’ Agent Stevens.

CASSIE:  You would never ask a man that.

DAVID:  I wouldn’t have to ask a man that.  I don’t know if you heard, but men can’t get pregnant.

CASSIE:  Exactly.  So the boys all get to fight, and I have to stay home knitting socks.

DAVID:  Do you think I like putting you on the No-Go list?  You’re one of the only Level Four’s we have that’s properly trained.  If those aliens start firing on us tomorrow, you’d be one of the few people in this department who actually knows their ass from their elbow.

CASSIE:  Then just let me do my job.

DAVID:  And if you’re injured out there—

CASSIE:  What?  Are you afraid I’m going to sue you?

DAVID:  Possibly.

CASSIE:  We’re facing extinction, and you’re worried about a lawsuit?

DAVID:  Stevens—

CASSIE:  David, I can fly.  Now, look, I know you have a few people with invisibility, and that kid who can shoot fire out of his eyes, but I am the only one who can fly, and you have no chance of winning this war without me.

DAVID:  Okay, yes, flight is very valuable to us, but you can’t exactly fly off into the galaxy and start punching aliens in the face.

CASSIE:  David—

DAVID:  Agent Stevens, please address me as Commander Mitchell.

CASSIE:  Seriously?

DAVID:  Agent—

CASSIE:  I can fly.

DAVID:  And we’re not even sure that’s useful.

CASSIE:  How could it not be useful?

DAVID:  We have planes that can fly.

CASSIE:  Yes, big planes, that can get shot down.

DAVID:  You don’t think you can get shot down?

CASSIE:  You’ve trained me in maneuvering.  You—personally—have trained me in that.

DAVID:  I trained you in a simulator.  Not out in the field.

CASSIE:  If they attack us, I’m going out there.  You can’t stop me.

DAVID:  Excuse me?

CASSIE:  What?  Are you going to shoot me down?

DAVID:  The Russians don’t even know we have you.  You can’t make yourself known that way.  You can’t just go rogue.

CASSIE:  Then back me up.

DAVID:  You’re willing to risk the life of your child just so you can be a badass?

CASSIE:  Whoa, you are way out of line.

DAVID:  Well, isn’t that what you’re doing?

CASSIE:  I’m doing what I was trained to do.  I don’t want to endanger this baby, but unfortunately, it decided to show up the same time the aliens did, and I can’t exactly put it in a crib somewhere and come back to it later.

DAVID:  Then you need to sit this out.

CASSIE:  And watch a bunch of men get their asses handed to them?  This baby has a better shot of survival in my body than it does anywhere else in the world if the only thing standing between the survival of mankind and obliteration is a bunch of assholes with army tanks.

DAVID:  Okay, that’s it.  I’m writing you up.

CASSIE:  Fine.  Write me up.  But then I’m putting on my suit and I’m going out there.

DAVID:  That suit is the property of the U.S. government.

CASSIE:  Then I’ll wear what I have on now.  Or I’ll fly around naked.  That should really shake up the Russians.

DAVID:  Agent Stevens—

CASSIE:  Maybe that can be my superhero name—Lady Godiva.

DAVID:  Agent Stevens, you don’t understand.  This isn’t up to me anymore.  Once I tell them you’re pregnant—

CASSIE:  So don’t tell them.

DAVID:  I have to.

CASSIE:  You know, I don’t believe you.

DAVID:  You know I have to.

CASSIE:  No, I’m sorry, what I mean is, I believe that you’ll tell them, what I don’t believe is that they give a shit.

DAVID:  What?

CASSIE:  As if the government doesn’t understand the concept of the Greater Good.

DAVID:  I—

CASSIE:  I seriously doubt they care about one fetus over the lives of billions of people.  Then again, it is a Republican-led Congress so—

DAVID:  If we win the war, but you die, we will have sentenced a pregnant woman to death.

CASSIE:  Stop being so dramatic.

DAVID:  I’m not.  Do you know what the plan is for you?

                (A beat.)

CASSIE:  There’s a plan?

DAVID:  Ironically, it’s called Operation Night Mother.

CASSIE:  Why?

DAVID:  Because they want to strap a bomb to you and fly you into the enemy mothership.

                (A beat.)

CASSIE:  What?

DAVID:  How else would you being able to fly help us?  You can’t shoot fire from your eyes.  Once you’re airborne, you’re just a really small plane, which, does come in handy in terms of getting you close to the mothership without being detected or shot down, but once you’re there, then what?  Did you think you were going to board the ship and take prisoners?  We haven’t given you any hand-to-hand combat training.  We haven’t even showed you how to use a gun.  And that’s assuming you can even get on the ship in the first place.  No, our only option with you is to—

CASSIE:  Use me as a Trojan Horse.

                (A beat.)

DAVID:  You still want it?

CASSIE:  All this time…You’ve been training me to be a glorified stealth missile.

DAVID:  Hey, those missiles cost a fortune.

CASSIE:  You think this is funny?

DAVID:  Stevens—

CASSIE:  I’m a superhero and you’re sending me on a death mission!

DAVID:  Stevens, if Superman walked into this office right now, I’d strap a bomb to him too.  There’s no room for sentimentality here.  We have one shot to win this, we think, and we’re going to take it.  Unless you’d rather sit out, in which case—

CASSIE:  I’ll do it.

                (A beat.)

DAVID:  What?

CASSIE:  If that’s what I have to do, I’ll do it.

DAVID:  But your—

CASSIE:  Greater Good, Commander Mitchell.  If the higher-ups don’t want me fighting, I’ll tell them I’m terminating the pregnancy, and then I’ll strap the bomb on myself.  Or they can just let go as is.  Who knows?  Maybe I’m invincible.

DAVID:  You’re not.  We shot you, remember?  To see if you were?  You bled, Cassie.

                (A beat.)

CASSIE:  This is happening.

DAVID:  I can stop you.

CASSIE:  It’s not yours.

                (A beat.)

DAVID:  I didn’t—

CASSIE:  You did.  And that’s okay.  But it’s not yours, and I’m not just saying that so you’ll let me fight.  It’s the truth.

                (A beat.)

DAVID:  They’ll fit you for the bomb in Warehouse 3.  You can go there any time after four o’clock.

CASSIE:  Thank you.

DAVID:  What are you thanking me for?  Signing off on your death warrant?

CASSIE:  For not getting in my way.

DAVID:  Just get the job done, Stevens.

CASSIE:  Yes, sir.

                (She exits.  Lights.)

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