We Might Be Heroes: The Sauce

            (MATTHEW sits at a table in an interview room.  LIZA enters and sits down across from him.)

LIZA:  Mr. Corgan, I think there might be a mix-up.

MATTHEW:  Oh?

LIZA:  Yes, this is the Enhanced Abilities section.  Were you looking for Social Security?

MATTHEW:  Is that a joke?

LIZA:  No.

MATTHEW:  You think because I’m old I can’t—

LIZA:  I think if you had lived—as long as you’ve lived—without revealing your gift, then that would be a miracle.

MATTHEW:  People hide all kinds of things.

LIZA:  So you can read minds?

MATTHEW:  Most minds, yes.

LIZA:  I’m thinking of a number—

MATTHEW:  Eight hundred and forty-two.

            (A beat.)

MATTHEW:  You also need to get an oil change.  You knew that when you walked in here, but I think you forgot when you sat down.  You’re having trouble remembering things, am I right?

LIZA:  Is this a joke?

MATTHEW:  I thought we agreed we weren’t joking?

LIZA:  I’m thinking of another number.

MATTHEW:  Eight hundred and forty-three.  All you did was add a number.  You can do better than that.

LIZA:  Go again.

MATTHEW:  Three.

LIZA:  Again.

MATTHEW:  Eight.

LIZA:  One more—

MATTHEW:  Why are you picturing a dinosaur?  What do dinosaurs have to do with this?

LIZA:  My grandson likes dinosaurs.

MATTHEW:  Mine likes taxidermy.  Weird kid.

LIZA:  And you’ve had this ability your whole life?

MATTHEW:  Yup.  Well—for as long as I can remember.

LIZA:  And uh, uh…you’ve had this ability your whole life?

MATTHEW:  Are you all right?

LIZA:  I’m—I’m fine, just—uh…

MATTHEW:  You’d like me out of your mind.

LIZA:  Yes.

MATTHEW:  Okay.

LIZA:  I feel somewhat violated.

MATTHEW:  I apologize.

LIZA:  It’s fine.  You had to do it to, you know, prove, uh—

MATTHEW:  So do they know?

LIZA:  Who?

MATTHEW:  Your job.  Do they know?

LIZA:  Know about what?

MATTHEW:  Your condition.

LIZA:  We’re not here to talk about me, Mr.—Mr.—

MATTHEW:  It’s right in front of you.

LIZA:  I know that.

MATTHEW:  Are you having trouble reading?

LIZA:  My eyes aren’t what they used to be.  I’m sure you can sympathize.

MATTHEW:  Nah, my eyes are great.  I can’t hear for shit though.

LIZA:  What?

MATTHEW:  What?

LIZA:  What did you—

MATTHEW:  The longer you go without telling your boss, the worse it’s going to be when they find out.

LIZA:  Please stop.

MATTHEW:  I’m just offering some advice.  I’m not sure how else my skills are going to come in handy.

LIZA:  We’ll figure that out.

MATTHEW:  You’re not the only one, you know.

LIZA:  What do you mean?

MATTHEW:  I mean, you’re not the only one with your condition.

LIZA:  Will you please stop calling it a condition?

MATTHEW:  You are young though.

LIZA:  It’s early onset—and I’m not that young.

MATTHEW:  I’m very sorry.

LIZA:  You’re sorry I’m not young?

MATTHEW:  No, I’m—

LIZA:  I know, I know.

            (A beat.)

MATTHEW:  You know, it’s funny, I can look into other people’s minds, but I can’t look into my own.  Yesterday my landlord stopped by to give me some tomatoes and I reminded her to pick up her dry-cleaning, but then I realized I hadn’t put on any clothes.  It was three o’clock in the afternoon.  What the hell had I been doing all day?

LIZA:  You mentioned tomatoes.  I went to make my mother’s tomato sauce last night.  I used to be able to make it in my sleep.  Now I can’t—

MATTHEW:  You forgot the secret ingredient.

LIZA:  No.  Did I?

MATTHEW:  Yup.  I would tell you what it was, but even in your mind, it’s just called ‘the secret ingredient.’

LIZA:  But if I forgot it, how do you know about it?

MATTHEW:  It’s still in your mind, Liza.  Can I call you Liza?

LIZA:  Sure.

MATTHEW:  It’s still in there.  You just don’t necessarily have access to it.

LIZA:  That doesn’t make me feel any better.

MATTHEW:  Really?  It’s a huge comfort to me.

LIZA:  How so?

MATTHEW:  When you can’t remember things, you feel like you’ve lost them.  It’s nice to know they’re not lost.  They’re just slightly out of reach.

LIZA:  That just feels frustrating.  I feel…frustrated.

MATTHEW:  My mother used to say if something’s on the top shelf, it’s probably because you don’t use it that much.  Make your mom’s sauce more.

LIZA:  You think that’ll help me remember how to make it?

MATTHEW:  No, but one day you might not be able to make it anymore.  Don’t let forgetting one ingredient scare you away.  One day you might forget a lot more than that.

LIZA:  I don’t know if you can help us.  With what we’re trying to do here.

MATTHEW:  I figured that.  But I also figured I should at least try.  This little parlor trick I do has been on the top shelf for awhile.  I just wanted to bring it down to eye level and see what would happen.

LIZA:  You won’t tell anyone about me, will you?

MATTHEW:  Tell anyone what?

LIZA:  Thank you.

MATTHEW:  You’re welcome.  By the way, I wouldn’t mind trying that sauce.

            (He smiles.  She smiles.  Lights.)