Gina at the Gallery

This one is called 'Filet Mignon'

It was done by the artist
Earlier this year

It's a portrait of her neighbor
Engaged in an extra-martial affair

Notice her sly grin
As she admits her lover
A rather unattractive man
Into her residence

Notice the plate on the table

We get a mere glimpse
Of what she's serving him

Filet Mignon

We can only imagine this is not something
That she would serve her husband

Please don't get too close
It's very important
That we don't disturb the art
With our presence

Just yesterday I had some movie stars
From the film they're shooting downtown
Come in and disturb this entire place
With their negative auras

Now, in this next portrait--

'Man on Park Bench'

We have an older man
Sitting on a park bench
Outside a museum
Eating a ham sandwich

The artist captured this man
Over the course of two weeks
Watching him while crouched in a bush
Hoping he would sit long enough each time
For her to capture his essence

I look at this painting
And I like to believe he's a mute

Someone without a voice
Obviously homeless
And destitute

An outcast

Deranged?

Perhaps

Now this next--

Oh...

Well...

This wasn't here yesterday

Uh...

Okay, well--

It's not like I can't assess the portrait on the spot
It'll be fun--for all of us
It'll be like improv
Without the comedy

So, let's see...

This is a portrait of a woman
A...rather...doughy woman

Pudgy, one might say

And she's...undressed...as you can see

Not totally naked, but...uh...undressed

And she's...well...from her coloring, I'd say she's...

...post-coital

Uh, and...well...it's clear that the artist...has perhaps...

...or is...rather...disgusted by her

Despite the fact
That this was clearly painted
Over a series of evenings
During which raucous lovemaking
Was a regular occurrence

But now perhaps the artist is tired of her
Perhaps the artist doesn't care that she--the subject
Left her husband for the artist
Changed her entire perception of art and sexuality
All so she could live inside this genius

This lying deceitful vindictive lesbian genius!

You know, from looking at this
I think it's clear that the artist was laughing
She was laughing when she painted this
Laughing and screeching
At her subject

This poor, deluded fool
Who stupidly sat there
With her breasts exposed
Allowing her ignorance
To be captured on a whore's canvas!

Does anyone have a pen? A marker?
A KNIFE?

SOMEBODY GIVE ME A KNIFE!

To hell with it, I'll use my fingernails!

. . . . .

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, I...

I'm going to need to end this tour a little early

But before I do
I'd like to show you a preview
Of next month's artist

She has one absolutely fascinating portrait
Of her husband's male lover

Isn't art...liberating?