Planning the Orgy

Lester, I have to tell you something

I...

I'm not inviting the Tentan's
To the orgy

For one thing, Angela is insufferable
And Victor's breath is so horrible
The last time he was here
He killed all our potted plants

I suppose I could mention it to him
Or to Angela
But I dread the idea of an awkward conversation

Hmm, isn't that funny?

I've performed fellatio on both of them
But the idea of bringing up halitosis
Still seems completely out of the question

Ohhh, and the Nicktons
Ugh, I don't know

I wish I could just invite Cecily
She's absolutely lovely
But I just can't handle Dan

Every time he's doing me from behind
He yanks on my hair
And calls me 'Fancy'

Do I look like a 'Fancy?'

Lester, please tell me I don't look like a 'Fancy.'

Oh, what would you know
Every time he does it
Kate Mctavish has you blind-folded
And tied to the bed

You know, it's really quite rude of you
To spend all our orgies blind-folded

That leaves all the hosting responsibilities to me
And frankly, it's exhausting

I have to refill the drinks
I have to check on the pot roast
I have to make sure everything's covered in plastic

And there you are with Kate
Playing the bipolar housewife
And the reality tv producer

I do like Robert Mctavish though
He's a sweet man

Very...tender

And he's...

. . . . .

I should probably...

Well...

He kissed me last week

I wasn't going to tell you
Because...

It was nothing

But, I know it's a rule
The kissing
So, he kissed me
I stopped him
That was that

Nothing major

But there, I told you
So...

That's done

Check, check

So the Spencers, uh, I don't know
They're both so--

They're...

Yes.

I liked it.

The kiss

Robert kissing me
I liked it

At first I thought maybe it was because
We were in the throes of passion

But then later
I was showering off

And you were doing the good-byes and...

Robert must have slipped away
Because he came inside
The shower

And...

We made love

Not sex, Lester
It wasn't...sex

Not really

It was different

In that it wasn't altogether physical

There were some points
Where he stood apart from me
And we just looked at each other

We just...looked

Now that I know it's possible
To just look at someone like that
I think we should put 'just looking'
On the 'no' list

I knew you'd be angry
About the kiss
And the shower
And the looking

Lester, I didn't mean for it to happen
But I think we need to acknowledge
That I was not the one
Who initiated these little house parties

You can't play with fire
And then complain
When the your wife
Ends up with the firefighter

. . . . .

He's leaving Kate

He told me
In the shower
He said--

'I'm leaving. Come with me.'

I thought he meant right then and there
And we only had one towel in the linens closet
So I wasn't sure how that was going to be possible

He suggested that if we left together
You and Kate could just be with each other
Since she enjoys tying you up so much
And you enjoy being tied up
And I don't

I don't

Not anymore

We haven't had sex with each other
Just each other
In YEARS, Lester

Years

Have you thought about that?

Have you thought about the fact
That it has been years
Since you have touched me
Just me
Just us
The two of us

What happened between Robert and I
In that shower
That was--

Now that I know that's possible
It's all I think about
It's all I want
It's all I'm going to accept, Lester

Do you understand that?

You're not capable of doing that anymore, Lester
You have locked away that ability
In some part of yourself
The ability to touch me
And not have it be lewd or investigative
Or prodding or advantageous

You have made yourself unable
To give anything

You need an entire room
Full of naked people
To pull focus from the fact
That you are not comfortable
Making love to your wife

And every rule we have
That's meant to make all of this okay
Only serves to make sure
That no actual connection takes place
Between any of us
Including you and I

And I'm not doing it anymore

Do you understand?

Do you understand me?

It doesn't make me feel progressive
It doesn't make me feel liberated
And you should know that

So yes, I'm leaving
Next week
After this last little house party

I'll plan it
And then I'm walking out
With Robert

I don't plan on staying until the end
I'll leave halfway through

That way
You might not even notice
I'm gone