Seven Gay Men

Look at that
Kissing a girl
I always knew she was a lesbian
I always had a feeling

Every time I get near a lesbian
My eyebrows arch--against my will

I can't help it

Gay men, that's a different story

What movie was she in?

Was it the one with the giant talking crocodile?

I loved that movie
I saw it six times

I don't know what it is about me
But I love movies with talking animals

All famous people are bisexual
I truly believe that

When you become famous
Your sexuality becomes pliant
Like a piece of chewing gum

So many people loving you
You just start taking it all in
From everybody that's giving it to you

. . . . .

I--you know what, never mind

I wish my eyebrows would tell me
When I'm about to sleep with a gay man

I've slept with seven gay men

SEVEN

Liza Minnelli has slept with less gay men
Than I have

I just can't pick them out

Not all of them KNEW they were gay of course

Most of them figured it out
Halfway through

I would see this look come across their face

That look you get
When you try sour cream for the first time
And decide you don't like it

The last time I saw that look
I stopped the guy
Got up, went into the kitchen
And started making popcorn

We spent the rest of the night
Watching 'Kinky Boots'

Sadly, that was one of my better dates

I think I'm starting to hate gay people

Not because they're gay
But because I'm stupid

I was out on a date the other night with this guy
And I kept looking at him
And looking at him
And looking at him
And looking
And wondering

Could he be...?

This is my life

. . . . .

I liked one...

I really liked one.

Aaron

He was...really nice

And I was sure
I was really sure
That I was okay that time

I was sure that I had it right

We got along so well
And he was so incredibly sexy
And we had such great chemistry
And the first time we...

I saw the look

And I, God, this is embarrassing
But--

I cried

Normally they cry
This time, I cried

And he didn't want to admit it
He said that he was fine
That it was fine
That it was just--he was tired
It wasn't what I thought
Everything was great

And did I--

Oh, here's the kicker

Did I want to get married?

He asked me to marry him

. . . . .

...And I considered it

Because...

Because I really wanted to believe
That maybe in his heart
He was a movie star

Maybe he could be made
Pliant

But...

No

I said 'No'

And now I hear he's about to marry someone else

Some other girl
Who doesn't notice the look

Or maybe he arranges it
So that she doesn't see the look
I've had guys try that on me

That's why I have mirrors everywhere in my bedroom
There's nowhere to hide

Part of me is tempted to go to that wedding
Sit in the back
Watch Aaron walk down the aisle
Hear him say his vows
See him lift the veil

And see that look

Maybe then I'd feel better
On insisting I keep my eyes open

Maybe then I'd feel like
I'm the winner
Because I'm the one
Living the honest life

Maybe then I'd feel like
The good person
I'm supposed to be