I Will Not Have Your Orgasm

Can we PLEASE stop talking about the orgasm?

I am SICK of hearing about the orgasm

I don't care if I have one
I don't need to have one
I don't even WANT to have one at this point

Because, at this point, it wouldn't even be MY orgasm anymore
It would be YOUR orgasm

Because you'd be SOOO proud
That you got me to orgasm

You'd probably let out a primal yell
Beat your chest like Tarzan
And then go make a sandwich

Why can't we just have sex?

Why are you obsessed
With me orgasming?

Isn't the point of me orgasming
The assurance that I've had a fulfilling
And wonderful sexual experience?

Well guess what?

FORCING me to have an orgasm
Is destroying any enjoyment
I would be having during sex

I spend the entire time we're having sex
Waiting for the orgasm to happen

I feel like a dog waiting in the window
For my orgasm to come home
And give me a treat

I have anxiety attacks about orgasms

No, I haven't faked
I refuse to fake
I will not be that person
Who fakes

But I have considered killing you

I've thought it--during sex

I've thought about picking up the lamp
Next to the bedside table
And knocking you unconscious with it
Just to stop the two-block carnival
That has become our sex life

Last night I actually thought
Of waving a flag in the air
As if to say--

'Enough! I surrender! Take my genitals in the next room and do what you want with them! I'm going to sleep!"

Why don't you just admit
That this is all a matter of pride for you?

It's not about me being happy

You keep saying--'I'm doing it for you. So you'll be happy.'

The next time you say that
I'm going to remind you
That the trash hasn't been taken out
In three days
And the downstairs bathroom needs to be cleaned

Why don't you do that
Instead of descending from a trapeze every night
Dressed like a Civil War soldier
Speaking in a British accent
Hoping that one of those things
Turns me on enough to make me climax?

I AM NOT GOING TO ORGASM AND I DON'T CARE!

I'm happy with B+ sex
I don't need to have A+ sex
To get an A+ you have to stay up all night studying

It's ridiculous that I have to drink coffee
Before we have sex
Or else I'm liable to fall asleep
During hour seven
And THEN I HAVE TO PEE!

You are being selfish
You are being stupid
And you--

You, I just, you--UGH!

. . . . .

I don't trust you

I don't trust you
And you know why
And we're not going to go into it

But that's it

I don't trust you

And so we can have fun
We can enjoy ourselves
We can almost get there

But I am not having your orgasm
Or anything else for you

Just so you know

So please, stop trying

And let's just settle
For that B+