A Knight in the City

Men, men, men!

Gather ye round, please

For this is my first evening
As an official servant
Of his highness

Yes, gentlemen

Tonight, I am a knight

And tonight, this knight
Shall revel

There shall be revelry

...City revelry

Now, please please

Don't get too excited

I know a trip to a far-off metropolis
Such as...Smallingham
May rile up a group of young squires
Such as yourselves

But we must remember
Not to be sucked in
By the dark core
That lives at the heart
Of any bustling urban center

So for starters
When we're at the brothel
Sowing our oats
Beware that we keep our change purses
Directly above the pile of straw we're rutting on

And if we take our whores from the back
We should be able to avoid being stolen from
From the deviants that frequent such places

And when we're enjoying our ale
At one of the many local breweries
We must remember that if we kill anyone
Who insults our king
We must dispose of the body IMMEDIATELY
And not wait until the end of the night
When we'll be tired
And may forget to dismember the body
Before throwing it in the moat
On our way back to the country

Finally, if you see anyone who appears godless
Don't try talking to them
Just find something pointy
And drive it through their throat

You can't take any chances
With those kinds of people
They're unstable

All right then

Pack up your crucifixes
And your spiked clubs
And let's go enjoy ourselves!