Thomas on the Bench

And then the knight said--

'Pack up your crucifixes
And your spiked clubs
And let's go enjoy ourselves!'

That's what he said
I'm telling you

That's exactly what he said

I know my history

There used to be this nice bench
Right outside the Medieval History museum

And I would sit on my days off
From sitting on the bench in the park

There was a television
That played all the famous speeches
Given by knights to their squires

And that was one of the speeches

So you see, Thomas Andrews knows his history

Now, that man over on the bench across from me?

He's a troublemaker

He's not here for the right reasons

He's thinking that if he stares at me long enough
Eventually I'll go over and start something with him
And then the cops will show up
And ban me from sitting here
And then he'll have both benches at his disposal

Every day he'll get to show up and say--

Hmm, would I like that bench?

Or

Would I like this bench?

Well I'm not going to give him the satisfaction

Hmm?

Of course I have a home!

I'm not destitute!

I just like being outside
I like sitting
I like taking in the scenery

I like eating ham sandwiches
And sipping root beer

And I like watching the boys
Work on their mural over there

See, they just about finished
The sunlight hitting the skyline

And notice the use of shadow
Underneath the words--

'Suck my ass, bitch'

Artists swear a lot
What are you going to do?

I know about art

Because there's a bench
Outside the art museum
Downtown

That's not my favorite bench
But every once in awhile
I like to change things up a bit

I just can't leave this bench unattended for too long
Because otherwise troublemaker over there might snatch it from me
And once a man's claimed a bench from another man
It's gone for good

What about you?

You got a home?

Hmm...a woman, huh?

You meet the other man?

Did you kill him?

Should have killed him.

An other man can't be cured
You gotta snap his neck
Like an evil turtle

Ohhhh turtles got evil in 'em
But that's not pertinent to your story

So your wife's going to keep seeing him
And he's going to keep seeing your wife
And you can't go home

Son, I will admit that I am more than a few stamps
Short of a priority package
But even I know that's messed up

When you go back to that house
I say you tell your wife
That if she wants to be cooking another man filet mignon
Then she better find another oven to be doing it on
Because if you find out that she's still seeing that man
Then you're going to need all four burners
To boil his balls on

See what she says about that

Son, a woman wants a man
Who fights for her
And some women just ain't worth fighting for

But even if she's not worth fighting for
Believe me, your home is

A man has nothing
If he doesn't have a place to go home to

When I'm done sitting
I get up and I go home
And I sit some more
And it's quiet

And I know that may sound crazy

But I think half the point of having a home
Is to back to it

And you can't go back to it
If you're there all day

I like to wander around the city
Let things seep into me
Listen to all the noise
Sit on my benches
Watch the people

And do it all knowing when I'm ready
I can get up
And I can go home

That's my favorite part of home
Knowing it's there for me
When I'm ready