The Claustrophobic Groundhog

Is it just me
Or is it getting darker down here?

I--I just feel--

DON'T TOUCH ME!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry
It's just this whole underground thing
Is starting to get to me

I mean, would it kill them
To put some bay windows
Down here?

Or just get some lighting?
Even artificial lighting

It is pitch black down here

Last week I was halfway through mating with someone
Before I realized it was just a pile of my own excrement

By the way
Is there a reason we don't have a better
Sanitation system down here?

Or any plumbing whatsoever?

I mean, we're not animals

I mean, we are
But we're not stupid animals
We're not prairie dogs
For crying out--

WHAT WAS THAT?
WAS THAT A SHOVEL?
I HEARD A SHOVEL!

Okay, seriously
I'm freaking out

Can't I just go for a walk or something?

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Spring's coming early
Fall back
Happy New Year

Now can I get the hell out of here?

It smells
Everything smells
The dirt smells
We have gotten to the point
Where dirt smells worse than dirt

We have made dirt dirtier

HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

I'm going to pass out
Oh wait, I can't!
There's no room!

There isn't even room
To faint down here!

I've seen ant colonies
With higher ceilings

You know what?
I'm going to go above-ground
And see if I can pass for a woodchuck

I'm sorry, everybody
But this whole groundhog thing?

It's really no way to live