Second Spring

I.  This is our second spring
Summer held off
And winter left early
So we could meet here
And put wax on old wounds
Soften old, hard words
Forget what we needed to forget
And remember what we needed to remember

This is our second spring
This is our last second chance

II.  I think if I say 'I forgive you'
My mouth will dry up
And my tongue will turn to sand
My hair will turn to snakes
Like Medusa, or whoever had the snake hair
And even though I don't care about being wrong
As some people would say
I do care about you respecting me
I need to be respected by you

And something about forgiveness
Seems to say that it's all right

That it's all right if you don't respect me
When really
It's the last thing
That could ever be
All right

III.  The first time it snowed
I wondered who was helping you
Shovel it off the walkway
Out of the driveway
Making a path
From the door
To your car

I felt guilty knowing that it was supposed to be me
And that it couldn't be me

I felt bad about making you shovel snow
And every day after that
I found something new
To feel bad about

III.  I told them you were working
I told them you were away, just away
I told them you did something bad but that it would okay
I told them you loved them
I told them I loved them
I told them the truth

But most of the time
I didn't know
What to tell them
So I didn't tell them anything

And now that's what I regret
Sitting there not saying anything
When they begged me to

Because I just didn't
Have anything
To say

IV.  When would I rather see them?
Christmas or Thanksgiving?
Their birthdays or my birthdays?
Halloween or Easter?
All summer or every weekend of the year?
I'm trying to see how long it will take me
To make lasting
Memories

God, what sort
Of awful math
Is this?

V.  He said he hated me today
He didn't mean it
He means he hates you
He'll hate you later
Just thought you should know

VI.  Nobody talks to me anymore
I go whole days without being spoken to
I feel like I live in an invisible world
It makes me feel powerful and helpless

All at once

VII.  I feel like before I had all the words in the world
To say to you
And now I have to say just as much
With nothing
But silence

VIII.  On holidays I feel it
This sense that the world can start over
That wrongs can be corrected
That there's enough goodwill suspended amongst us
To turn all this around
And set it right

But there aren't enough holidays
And so instead I'm using this

This second spring

To make you look at me
And tell me
That it can't be

That it just can't be

I want you to say it now
Now that the world has stopped

I want you to tell it to turn
And keep turning
While we walk in different directions
On a globe, a sphere, a circle

Convincing ourselves
We'll never meet like this

Again