A Hill of Beans

Victor, your eggs are a bit runny today
They say you can tell how good a cook is
By how they do at making eggs

I've never made them properly
Which confirms my suspicions
That being domestic
Was simply not in the cards

Do you remember how miserable we were in Lisbon?

Me sulking about Rick
And you desperately trying to cheer me up
Instead of beating me
Screaming at me
For betraying you
For being a bad wife

Then you brought me here
And the war ended
And things seemed to improve
Didn't they?

I was smiling all of a sudden
I was keeping house
And making eggs every morning
And you had a job
A nice little bookstore
Where there'd be no danger
Of you being killed
By Nazis

And aside from your nightmares
About the camps
We were...

Victor, I go out
Every night
To bars
All different sorts of bars
And I listen to music
And...

I find bars with pianos
And piano players
And I ask them to play it
That song

Some know it
Some don't

But when they know it
I sit
And order a drink
And close my eyes
And I see him, Victor
I really do
See him
Very clearly

And nobody would think
That during the day
I wear an apron
And make beds
And write lists
Full of things
I don't want to do
And then do them

People would think I'm just a sad old woman
Having a drink
After the funeral
Of a friend
Or husband

And in some respects
They're right

Lately, life, for me, Victor
Has been one big funeral

I'm...bored

...And so...

I'm leaving

I'm going back to--

I'm going to find him

Now that things have settled down
And there's nobody left chasing us
And we have a nice little life
I think it's high time I ruined everything
Don't you?

Victor, you were always so stable
And stable people are always trying
To help the unstable

There's no helping me, Victor
Not with aprons
Anyway

So I've made you your eggs
One last time
And left the house neat and polished

Your suits are pressed
Your books are alphabetized
You have lists upon lists in the drawer
Next to the stove
Of the things you'll have to do everyday
Until you can find some other woman
To do them for you

Darling, don't think that I didn't love you
Love and excitement
Make poor bedfellows
That's all

Take care of yourself, all right?

There

There's our good-bye

Now if you'll excuse me
I have a plane to catch