Um, let's see...well...first of all...I've never been to a Subway ever in my life, so this is going to be a learning experience for me, and I thank you and the eighteen other customers behind me for your patience. I thought about letting them all go ahead of me since they're on their lunch break and I don't work because I'm an heiress who every so often just enjoys slumming it with cheap sandwiches, but then I realized that first-come, first-serve means what it means, and who am I to challenge that?
By the way, congratulations on setting up a quasi-fast food system where no more than a maximum of two orders can be worked on at any time. I'm not surprised at all that you're a successful franchise.
Now, let's see, what do we...have...here...
Well, of course, I'm getting dinner for the entire family here at Subway, even though it would take me less time and money to just go to the market, run home, make the sandwiches, and detail my car. So, let's start with eight meatball subs, because meatballs and sauce are exactly what you want to order from a chain restaurant in the middle of the week at around four pm. I'm sure it's as fresh as a mountain spring.
And for me, I'll have...hmmm...
Well, I know I want olives. Why don't you put some olives on some bread. Do you have banana bread? Could you put some venison on some banana bread, toasted, with some green olives and mayyyyyyybe some diced yellow onions?
No venison? Gosh, and here I was thinking this was a culinary establishment.
Fine, I'll just have German pork belly, but please, be sure to cook it properly.
Do you make our own sausages here? I'm not seeing sausages anywhere, but I'm assuming they're in the back along with your imported cheeses and your cuisinarts.
Hang on, I'm getting a phone call--
Yessssssss Davenport, Mommy's getting your meatball sub, but I have to tell you, I sincerely doubt the sauce is seasoned properly.
Well, I don't see a gluten-free option on the menu, but it isn't 1912 and we're not in Soviet Russia so I'm assuming they just forgot to put it up there.
Oh, Subway helper, quick question--how do you prepare your steamed beets? I mean, after you steam them, of course. Are they then soaked in anything or do you prefer the traditional vinaigrette spritzing technique?
Davenport, Mommy's talking about a vinaigrette, please don't interrupt her. Some things are sacred, Davenport.
Go and see if your brother wants his sandwich on a baguette.
Mother's pleased by you. Bye bye.
I'm really cautious about using the word 'love' because I read this study in Wealthy Parents magazine that says--
Oh, well, never mind. You don't care about all that personal stuff. You're just here to make my sandwich.
I should probably let you know that I'm interested in making love to my husband later tonight, so if you could throw a few oysters onto my order, that would be fabulous.
Did we ever settle on the pork belly?
Yes, I can see the boy behind crying, but I just assumed it's because he's (whispers) wearing that shirt.
Well, I'm pretty much done here anyway.
Oh, gosh, what am I saying?
I forgot about dessert.
How are your tortes?
I assume you're walking away from me because you're going to pull one from the back. While you're doing that, grab me a handful of figs.
I'm a little peckish and these sandwiches are taking forever.
I hope nobody's expecting a tip.
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