A Toast to Shanghai

It would take

A staggering amount

Of elaborate courage

To get me back home tonight

D accuses me

‘Of letting it get late’

Like I have some control over time

Like I can help

Whether it stays early

Or gets late

D says on my way home

I forget to pick things up

Cherry soda

Diapers

Dishwashing soap

I don’t forget

I just get nervous
When I pull in front of the drugstore

And there’s nobody else

In the parking lot

But me

So instead I pull away

And tell D
I’ll pick all that up

Tomorrow

Sometimes after work

The partners

Take me to this Asian place

That’s had the same décor

Since the late 80’s

Bright, bright red

And deep black

And lighting so dim

You can pinch or be pinched

And still show your face at work
Monday morning

The partners ask

About my aspirations

And I tell them

I see myself

At the Chicago office

In three-to-five years

But the face they make

When I say that

Tells me

They’re not thinking of Chicago

My suspicions are confirmed

When they start mentioning Shanghai

And pretty soon

A deal is being drawn up

Just words, but big words

...Then some numbers

And before I know what I’ve done

We’re shaking hands

And toasting to Shanghai

And D never even got a phone call

On the way home

I park in front of the drugstore

For no reason at all

D got the cherry soda and diapers this morning
Before I even got up

And we found extra dishwashing soap

At the back of the cupboard

Under the sink

The drugstore is open twenty-four hours

And I suddenly realize I feel like candy

So I hustle up my elaborate courage

And get out of the car

Inside, there’s music that sounds like

It was written not just for elevators
But inside of one

I head to the greeting card aisle

So I can look for one that says—

‘Sorry, we’re moving to Shanghai’

But all I can find is—

‘Sorry’

And then a space

Where you can fill in the rest

The space doesn’t seem big enough

Or maybe if you can’t fit what you did wrong

In that little box

You’re supposed to get the person

Something bigger than a card

I grab the card anyway

And a six-pack of seltzer

A bag of pita chips

And a few bags of candy

On sale

Because Halloween

Was a few days ago

Back in the car

I feel like I can breathe again

And I didn’t even realize

I was holding it in

I start the car

Put some music on

Something that wasn't made in an elevator

Something with drums

And drugs

And lyrics that tickle

The back of your neck

D will be mad

D will be so mad

D might leave me

There's nothing here to be excited about

But there's nothing about Shanghai

To look forward to

Another job in another city

Another office with windows

Looking out on cities gone unexplored

I'll stand there

At those windows

Every Friday night

Looking down

Orange-red dots of light in pairs
Making their way

To wherever they're going

Maybe home

Maybe not home

Maybe somewhere else

Altogether