Friday, February 16, 2018

The Driver's Seat

When the husband’s at work
She calls

Bring over some beer
Bring over some smokes

Husband can’t stand
The smell of smoke
So we go out on the deck

Fucking freezing last week
Thought I was going to turn blue

Go back inside
Take a nice shower
Watch some tv

Ask her
When she’s going to get a job

She tells me
To mind my own business

Then she gets on top
And we figure it out

That’s how I think of it
Us
The two of us
Doing what we do

It’s like puzzle pieces
Me and her

We don’t know
What the fuck we’re doing
But—

Like I said
We figure it out

She likes watching me
Get dressed after

Tells me I remind her
Of something
From a movie

‘What movie,’ I ask her

She says she doesn’t know
Because she hates movies

Too many people talking
And too much
To keep track of

She’s a piece of work
She really is

Finishes every last one of those beers
And half the pack of cigarettes
In the few hours I’m there

Gotta beg her
To come in from outside
Just so I can give her
A kiss goodbye

She wants to stay out there on the deck
Smoking and crying over something
I don’t have the guts
To ask her about

There’s a crib in the spare room
And nothing in it

She thinks I don’t know it’s there
But I know

The cars that go by me
On the way home
From her house
Give me the fucking jitters

Chances are
One of 'em
Is her guy

At home I watch
Whatever channel I had on
Before I fell asleep
With the remote in my hand

Usually it’s one of the news channels
Explaining why bread’s gonna kill me
Or why kids don’t understand math anymore

The phone rings
It’s her

I ask her if she’s okay
Because she never calls
After he gets home

He’s in the shower
And she wanted to hear my voice

I can tell today was rough
Even the part with me in it
And she might have to go back to the hospital

That means he’ll have to take her
And I’ll have to wait two weeks
Before I hear from her again

I ask her if she wants to meet me
Outside the Target
Over by Meniac Drive
Down by the Scoville line
And she says ‘Okay’

When I get there
I’m not even halfway out of my truck
Before she’s hugging me
Crying into my shirt
Telling me how fucked up everything is
And how fucked up she is
And why did I even bother driving out here
When I could go get ten other girls
Way better than her
And spend my time with them

I tell her she’s nuts
And I kiss her forehead

Because what else am I supposed to do?

We stand there for a second
While people with red shopping carts go by us
Probably taking home a bunch of shit
They don’t need

I ask her if she wants to come home with me
For a few hours
And she says she can’t

His mother’s coming over tonight for dinner
And then they’re supposed to talk about some things

She’s so nervous she’s shaking
And I have to hold her hard
Just to get her so she doesn’t
Snap her own neck

I smell her hair
And rock back and forth with her
Until I can feel her body let go

She could probably fall asleep like this
With me holding her
Holding her up
Making sure she doesn’t go down in a parking lot
Where people would walk right by her
And never think twice about it

‘Hey,’ she says to me
And I pull back
So she can see me

‘Hey,’ I say

She looks sorry
And angry
And a lot of things
I can’t put my finger on

‘You got a smoke,’ she asks me

That’s when I look over at her car
And realize her husband’s been sitting in the driver’s seat
The whole time

Not looking at us
Not looking at anything

Just got his head down
Like he's waiting
For us
To finish
So he can take her home

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