Providence Place

He just left

And now everybody’s

All bent out of shape about it

So my dad’s like

Go somewhere

And I’m like--

You mean leave?
You mean like he left?
Like--get lost?

And he was like--

No, just give me some space

I need space right now

My dad was telling me

He needed space

Things are fucking nuts

Right now

But it’s fine

I don’t need a reason

To, like, go to the mall

Malls are the most social interaction
I can handle

Without medication

I mean, it’s depressing

Being here

Being at a mall

A mall, it’s like

The last hold-out

Of--you know, capitalism

Being this sort of--

Social thing

Now you can spend money

And drive yourself into debt

And not even really

Have to think about it

I think my family’s like that

They identify themselves

Based on who they would have been

Had they, like, been alive

In another time or something

Instead of who they are now

And, like, the time they’re living in

It’s just an insane amount

Of denial

But actually

I think that’s what’s most prevalent now

You know?

Denial

Oh my god

There’s so much denial

Like, from everyone

And I don’t really know

What you do about that

I mean, Jesus

My dad’s best friend

Like, lifelong friend

Just got on a bus

And took off

Because he actually thinks

It’s better

Somewhere else

When really

Providence is

And always has been

Like, this microcosm

Of the country as a hold

If you know anything about, like,

The history of the state

As it relates to the whole country

Except we still have a mall

When malls everywhere else are--

And I knew something was up

When I told my dad I was coming here

Because he hates when I come here

And he acts like he thinks I’m going to get jumped

When really he just sees this place

As a marker between, like, his youth

And the rest of his life

Because they opened this place

The year he turned eighteen

And so it’s this thing

That marks him becoming an adult
Which was, like, the worst thing

That’s ever happened to him

I guess it’s probably

The worst thing

That’s ever happened to anybody

Unless you had, like, a really traumatic childhood

Did I tell you

I wind up at this mall

Every year

On the 4th of July?

No clue how

But every July 4th

Here I am

And it is so creepy

And just, like, sad

But--

I don’t know why

I don’t know

What’s sad about it

I wish I did

But sometimes

I wonder

If it’s just a reflection of me

Because I’m sad

Because when you surround me

With people

I just become, like, very aware

Of how sad I am

Or seem

Or, you know,

Like

Compared to everyone else

Unless they’re just hiding

How sad they are

You can’t tell though

But you have to think that, like,

Everyone’s probably sad right now, right?

I mean--

You’d have to be crazy

Not to be really

Really

Fucking

Sad